à la mode

Throughout my life, I've gone through distinct periods related to fashion. They've ranged from thinking that it was the evil invention of sexist males trying to keep women down to a way to allow for creative expression and discovery. I've recently given up my apathy and begun having a healthy interest again in snagging cool second-hand finds.
As a child, I loved shopping for cheap, unique clothes, especially pieces that I could tell people I found on sale for a dollar, or whatever. Thankfully my style was, shall we say, one-of-a-kind in the rural area where I grew up. What attracted me was often hanging neglected on the clearance rack. It worked out for everyone.
The endearing trait of smugly telling others how little I paid for things was honed at a very young age and continues today. I've had a period of time recently where I haven't cared much about what I wear, probably having to do with the fact that there have been more important foci in my life. Not having much luck at thrift stores or garage sales the past few years, I pretty much gave that up and bought whatever was on sale at certain stores for simplicity.
In the last month, I've discovered the etsy website much to my bank account's dismay. There, one can find cool vintage clothes with a click. No having to sift through dusty piles to find little treasures. However, I did go by a yard sale today at the end of an arduous run. After doing some digging, I managed to find a few things that I wanted to get and had the seller hold them while I went home to get my wallet. By the time I finished the transaction, I had spent $19.
A run-down of my loot:
-a pair of pants
-skirt
-shirt
-2 pairs of shoes
-pair of boots
-blazer
-3 jackets (one leather)
-2 shrugs
-sweater
-plus a skirt and adorable jacket for my friend's daughter
So, yeah. I'm on a thrifter's high. Just be glad you don't live near me and have to hear the rehash over and over. But at least I look good doing so.

Metamorphosis

I had intentions of writing a "real" post with complete sentences and several paragraphs. For some reason, it didn't happen. There's not much of note to write, and that's not really a bad thing.
I'll just say that the next couple of months promise to be full of change on many fronts. Some of this is self-inflicted, and the rest is out of my hands. Thankfully equanimity has been my constant companion.
(Meanwhile I'm enjoying the rockin' tunes on Pandora's Yerba Buena station.)

Qué será, será. Y ya.

Reminders

Tonight, my sister and her partner J are in town on their way to Cali. J has never been to Burque. After hearing about my daily and weekly activities, she said, "You must have a good life here." I hesitated and discovered the only answer was, "Yes, I do." That injection of objectivity reminded me that I have much to be grateful for.

And the rains this week are proof that nothing lasts forever.

one more thing

in a previous post, i lamented the fact the lilacs completely escaped me this year. well, for some reason, i have gotten to see all the flowers i missed this year while visiting other places. lilacs were in full bloom when i traveled to ohio. and, today, in my delirium at the top of the mountain, i found lilies! ¡qué suerte!

Gratitude list, take 2

Time, life has slipped away. So, here I go again:
1. Air at 10,000 ft.

2. My legs

3. My father

4. Pesto season!

5. Fresh eggs

sandias

Hiked the Tramway and La Luz trails today. I think the altitude got to me for the first time. After reaching 9000 ft., I started to get grouchy and a little flaky. I was afraid of tripping at the top and sliding down...for good reasons.
Only one snake sighting.
No dead rodents.
I can't rest...when my eyes are closed, all I see are switchbacks.
My brain must be fried.

Waiting

For once I made it to the airport with plenty of time to relax. There's an application for a leadership program that I need to finish today, and I thought sitting in the airport would be the perfect time to do it. I have to stay put here in this seat for another hour since SWA won't let me check-in my bag until four hours before my flight.
The trip out west was wonderful. I got to do everything I wanted to: eat Ethiopian, see the ocean, drink wine, and explore. It was all good.
I think I'm going to open a flickr account so I can upload the photos. It was fun taking pictures of all the scenery and architecture here.

No halbo nada...

Even among the locura (which is now considered to be my "normal" life), I've noticed a new quirk. After reviewing emails, I've noticed several participles missing the -ed suffix and just odd sentence structure. I'm glad I took the time to proofread.
The other morning, I was having an internal issues convention about a meeting I didn't want to attend. Suddenly, my thoughts we're interrupted: "I'll just tell him I won't be disponsible. I'm busy," I told myself. It made perfect sense.
So let's just say I'm muy lista para mi tripecito. Me voy mañana.

(Y soy tan esmart que invento mi propio idiotoma...)

Overload

So I missed the lilacs this year, all except for a few blooms that I noticed during walking meditation.
An important deadline came and went, and I completely forgot.
My gratitude list is short today. I'm thankful I get a day off tomorrow and a trip this weekend. I need to recharge.
I often wish my brain were more like a cpu. I need a defrag bad.

Grace, 14/365

1. Getting something done at City Hall. It had stressed me for a few days, but now it's done. Now to not worry about food poisioning...
2. Things are coming together for the special event. There seems to be some plan coming to fruition.
3. Cafe con leche
4. A trip to the 415!!! Ca-ching for a cheap, cheap fare to Oakland. Ocean...hot springs...ethiopian food...I need this trip badly, and I'm thankful I can do it.
5. Watching plants grow.

insomnia

It's been going on for almost eight days now.

When my exhausted head hits the pillow, my eyes are wide awake.

Sleep evades. Life continues.

Grace, 13/365

Today was a lovely day. La lista:
1. Spring weather. My favorite kind.

2. Smoked gouda soup

3. Cycle chic

4. Relaxation

5. Jokes from my sister.

Grace 12/365

Okay, so I'm behind a few days. Even with all the abundance in my life, I haven't felt much gratitude lately. Thankfully, a shift occurred today, and the shroud of negativity lifted. To make up for the missed posts, here's an expanded version of the list:
1. Friends. Today was being with three people who are special in their own way. Each has been in my life for varying periods of time, but they all have added a richness that I'm grateful for. Passing time with them, I feel at home.
2. Impermanence. And yet I was reminded while being with these friends of the impermanence of others and of life. I only have this moment.
3. Quincy Jones's Back on the Block album. I was given the March Shambhala Sun in which Alice Walker wrote an article called "Anxiety Soup," which contains three ingredients to ward of the instability of daily life. The first of which is dance. Walker suggests putting on a CD that gets us to move; one of her favorites is Jones's. It got me to dig my out old cassette copy. I'd forgotten about this gem of pure genius. ♥, say my ears and soul.
4. Reminders of attachment. It's not something I particularly like, but it's like a wise old friend urging gently of how much more I need to practice.
5. Lastly, boots. I try to stay away from things related to consumerism here, but I found a sweet pair on sale today. I'd been craving a pair for two years, so I bought them. Ah, I have a long way to go on #4 above!!

Grace, 11/365

1. Getting things done

2. Salad

3. Conversation

4. Cool evenings

5. Meditation

Grace, 10/365

1. Rest

2. Celebration

3. Music

4. Dusk

5. Movement

Sound advice

I received The Lifelong Activist: How to Change the World Without Losing Your Way as a gift late last year. Basically a self-help book for those involved with social change, I was particularly impressed with the section on time management. The author Hillary Rettig has developed documents to assist with tracking one's time and to provide guidance in living a life congruent with one's values.
What really caught my attention, though, was the fact that it's important, well imperative, that there be enough light to complete whatever task is at hand. Literally. There have been several times in the past few weeks when I've tried to find something but am too lazy to get up to turn on the light. It's frustrating....until I shed some light on the subject. Often, it's not that I'm lazy; I just want to conserve, so I don't use any light. But now that I'm paying more attention to my efficiency, I see that even though I may save in some areas, it's not really a benefit.
For most of my life, I have tried to make due in most areas in my life by using as few resources as possible. I've prided myself in being able to accomplish tasks creatively and stretching what I have as far as it will go.
But I've reached a point where it's no longer always most efficient for me to use as little as possible because I've stopped measuring efficiency by how little used or how much money saved. My time, along with my creativity and skills, are also valuable. I need to have the tools to do my job, whatever it is, as well as possible.
So that might mean advocating for what I need. I may have to be more honest with others about what I really can do or provide. And, definitely, I will be making sure there’s enough light.

Grace, 9/365

1. Mondays

2. Sunshine

3. Chickens and their fresh eggs

4. Servas & travelers

5. Clotheslines (and my father for having put it in)

Grace, 8/365

1. Prairie dogs

2. Reading a good book

3. Sleep

4. Laziness

5. Canada geese

Gratitude, 7/365

1. The snow on the mountains

2. A cool, sunny day for running

3. Crisp air

4. Time to relax with a good book

5. Mushroom brie soup

Grace, 6/365

1. The sun peaking through the clouds during the waning moments of daylight.

2. Sushi

3. Generosity

4. Sleep

5. The weekend

Grace, Day 5

Even though things only slightly better, I still have plenty to be grateful for.

1. Reconnecting with old friends.

2. NM Nurse Helpline.

3. Support from others.

4. Garlic.

5. Bright colors that make me happy.

Grace, Day 4

So I'm feeling very short on gratitude today...

1. Locksmiths

2. Sleep

3. (uhhhh.....) Water

4. Air

5. Commitment to making this list.

Le fin....

Grace, day 3

1. Clean sheets dried on the line

2. Health insurance

3. A job I enjoy

4. Strawberry smoothies

5. Recognition

Grace, day 2

1. Being able to go on a long ride because I didn't have to work today.

2. Listening to people's stories while volunteering at a senior clinic.

3. Seeing the clear blue skies after the rain.

4. Smelling the damp earth.

5. Eating sushi.

Balança

When most Fridays roll around, the exhaustion has taken up residence after four days of listening to challenges, trying to find answers, and expressing thoughts in two languages. Balance has been my goal for this year. Some days it's there, and other feel as if it will never be within my reach.

Brooke Williams in his book Half-lifes writes that balance can only be attained while in motion. His analogy of riding a bike seems apt. My take is that it takes practice move closer to that equilibrium. Even though it doesn't necessarily imply doing something, it is not something that can passively be achieved.

I struggle because I know what to do to create more balance in my life, but I often don't act on that knowledge. Instead, I procrastinate or fester my anxiousness until I feel overwhelmed and helpless. Inertia pulls me to do nothing.

At times, I'm able to do things, like writing, that give me a taste of that balance. And it feels pretty good. I just can't understand why it's so difficult to do things that generate balance in my life.

Grace in small things

My friend aml linked to a cool page about grace and gratitude. So, I thought I'd try it, too.
Here's my list for today:

1. Sangha-for strengthening my practice and showing acceptance

2. Bicycle-for feeling the wind upon my face

3. My family-for being

4. Friends-for mirroring

5. Dreary, rainy days-for providing respite and for reminding me not to take the sun for granted

Lunes feliz

Yea!!! for Internet access. My DSL was knocked out for almost two weeks after a windstorm. Earlier last month, it was acting up, too, so I spent most of March without a connection. ¡Qué madness! Now, it's not only back, but improved with wireless! I can use my laptop wherever I'm comfortable: in the backyard, on the couch...maybe it's not such a good thing.
I re-read my last post and realize the tone was not what I intended. What I was trying to uneloquently convey was the question, "How do we talk about making larger changes in the way we consume?" I have a long way to go...I had driven eight hours in a car that burns fossil fuels, after all. And I'm not doing well with following the Compact resolution. I've slipped again. I think 2-3 months is my limit, and then I'm tempted.
Most of my slips haven't been too bad. Yesterday, I got some used and recycled goods, including a free pair of blue snakeskin Doc Martins. It's ironic that as the economy has worsened, I've been able to find more free stuff. I've been able to support my magazine addiction by getting leftovers from the previous month at the Co-op.
Instead of catching up on work, I plan to work on the garden this afternoon. Since there's plenty of compost in the backyard, I didn't need to buy any this year. On the agenda: tomatoes, strawberries, basil, eggplant, zucchini, three types of mint, peppers, onions, lemon grass, cilantro, beans and corn. Add that to the perennials already there, and that's the plan.
One little discovery of sorts. Well, not quite something new, but re-found. I had listed to the Internet radio station Pandora previously, but after my subscription to XM on-line expired, I remembered it. Best of all, it's free.
Tchau.

When I travel, I sometimes am exposed to other forms of media I don't normally pay attention to when I'm at home. A USA Today somehow ended up in my car on the way home, and an article caught my eye when I was reading it later that evening. The article "Frugal Families" highlighted changes that five families have made in slashing their budgets. It also gave suggestions of how others can save money on gas costs and food costs. It discussed ways to increase gas mileage and cutting down purchases of organic food.

I thought the article reflected a common sentiment: we need to make some changes in the manner in which we live our lives, but no major changes. The only factor considered was economic cost, nothing about the other costs associated with buying conventional food or continuing to use fossil fuels.

Surviving this shift will require more than inflating tires to the correct pressure. We need to look at other forms of transportation that relies less on vehicles that use petroleum. When I recently attended the International Water Conservation Conference, I learned that when we try to come up with ways to deal with problems, we need to create solutions that address multiple issues. For example, planting a tree can provide fruit, cool the space around it, create a space for more absorption of water, and decrease the CO2 levels.

This principle needs to apply when we seek for ways to cope with the changing economy. Bicycling and walking are (almost) carbon-free forms of transport and provide health benefits that can decrease medical costs. Planting a garden, however small, can decrease carbon miles, nurture the soil, and create habitat for other species.

So, I want to offer some suggestions to save money and reduce the carbon footprint (some are mine, some I've heard from others):

-Use less stuff. Before you try to make changes, look at what and how you consume.

-Use a clothesline. In the winter, use a clothes rack.

-Join a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture) for fresh food.

-Barter for other goods or services.

-For egg eaters, host a few chickens in your backyard if you have space. Chickens will eat most table scraps and provide plenty of material for enriching your garden.

-Use the library.

-Keep a bucket with you in the shower to collect water. Use the gray water for plants.

-If you have subscriptions to newspapers or magazines, pass them along once you've read them. You can donate them to shelters and prisons.

-Learn how to do things yourself.

This is just a start...this is a creative endeavor. It goes more deeply than just saving money by changing phone plans. We need to change how we live and how we relate to the world around us.

Rockin' the 915

I can cross that one of my list of resolutions. Last Sunday was the El Paso Marathon. I had registered because it was cheap and close. If there had been another race that had met those criteria, I would have chosen that one. Thankfully, there wasn't because it turned out to be an awesome experience.
It started off with our hotel offering to shuttle us to dinner. We ended up at some quasi-swank place that we eventually left after being ignored for more than 10 minutes. It worked out, though, because we ate at a delicious pizzeria nestled in a quaint part of El Paso. I didn't know El Paso had quaint parts. They do.
Afterwards, we had to huddle for more than 40 minutes outside the restaurant we were first at to wait for the shuttle. The weather was cold and windy. It almost felt as if we were in California with the cool, slightly humid breeze.
The next day also began cool. There were almost 2000 runners at the start. I had finally resigned myself to running the marathon. In the weeks leading up to the event, I had doubts that I would be able to do it. Any run more than 16 miles left me feeling like crap and wasn't fun, and I didn't see how I could do 10 more. But, to my benefit, I had dug myself into a little hole. One of my personal goals for my performance evaluation this year is to run a marathon. Since I really didn't want to back out of my goal, I started telling everyone I knew about it. If people know that I'm supposed to be doing something, I do it.
A marathon really involves more mental work than anything else. Granted, one needs to be in some shape to move for many miles and many hours, but self-talk can is what gets you to the finish line. The fans help, too. The volunteers cheered so hard at mile 18 I thought that someone was powerfully overtaking me. They were just cheering! It was exactly what I needed. At mile 25, someone yelled, "Do you want water, Gatorade, or beer?" When I said "beer," they all went crazy. It made me laugh (if only on the inside) that a group of people would be so escatic to pour a cup of beer. Not much further ahead, someone came running in the opposite direction caring a torch and asked if I had beer in my cup. It made him happy that I did. (For some reason this all seemed to make more sense when it happened, and I swear it really was more entertaining...)
Some stops had fruit, chocolate, brats, and gels. There were stops almost every mile. I didn't go hungry or thirsty. That helped me with the self-talk.
I broke down the race into 3 8-mile runs and some change. When LB turned around at mile 8 to finish the half, I was able to tell myself the run had just begun. For most of the race, I only focused on short distances and not the fact that I had to run for a longer time than what I took me to drive to ELP the day before.
I felt fine until mile 21 when I was going down a hill and found I could not walk on gravel. My whole right foot had blistered and was painful. I could only run for a few seconds before having to walk. I had to stay on pavement because it was the least abrasive surface. I was grateful that I had brought along enough Advil to get me through.
I was so happy to turn the final corner to see the finish line. I had made it under the cut-off by just three minutes. But it didn't matter. I did it. It was fun. I enjoyed it. All 26.2 miles.

Me deixa a vontade

When I've thought about writing during the past few weeks, it seems that there's very little to put in here. Now that I'm actually sitting down to do it, there are things I want to say. I'm not sure how to make it all flow. Anyway...

I'll start with my goals because I like structure. I've made progress on all, but nowhere near perfect. I did slip up and buy one thing-lime green eyeshadow-but all-in-all, not a complete f*up as I can do. Everything else is as planned.

In other news, my new license came in the mail last weekend. It was only five days after I took the exam. What a load off my chest!

And...I am taking a cycling class while using cycling crap. (sort of aside: I made a promise to myself many years ago that I would never wear bike sorts. However, I've found that although they look ridiculous, they serve a purpose. I've made a compromise: a skirt over my capris. Only mildly dorky. )

I'm contemplating a ride that crosses my home state the long way, so I'll need to get my ass in gear. Currently, my rides are about two hours long. I have to say that cycling is much more fun than riding. A marathon on a bike is not bad. Once the real running marathon is over, I'll have more time to ride the bike. That will be in two weeks if I make it out unscathed.

Here's a photo from my backyard one morning:

Thus, starting my gratitude list: clotheslines, sun, nature, water, air, and life.

Le fin.

Another resolution

I've bought my first set of wheels. Part of this goes back to the Compact resolution, and another part deals with a trip my sister, LB and I have been discussing. Details to follow.

Another year...

2008 kind of slipped away. While a good part of it was my own doing, some circumstances beyond my control made life interesting, in a challenging way. Needless to say, I didn't make much progress on the goals I set 12 months ago. So, I'm just reusing them again this year. I like to think of it as 2008 v.2.

This time around, though, I thought I would throw in some feel-good goals to help me feel like I'm doing something. Here's my list:

-Eat no red meat
-Recycle
-Exercise
-Speak Spanish
-Read
-Practice mindfulness

What an improvement! I've already done everything on this list and there are still 364 days left to go.

Okay, now on to the rest of the list. The real list.

-Follow the goals of the Compact (this time for the entire year. I made it 3 months last year.)
-Run a marathon. (Training is coming along. Did 4 half-marathons in the last 5 months of 2008.)
-Observe mindful speech. (I've become very mindful of how unmindful my speech is.)
-Save up enough money to take a trip that would involve travel over the equator or across six or more time zones.
-Practice gratitude.

I hope you have a wonderful 2009! Peace.

Amor III

My newest inspiration...(obsession).

http://www.copenhagencyclechic.com/

It makes me want to start riding again.

In case you wanted to know...

It's perfectly legal to hand out beer, with cookies, to your neighbors this holiday season, so says 242-COPS.
+











=is how you show your homies love!

FYI to the maker of the free calendar I just got in the mail:

Death Valley is NOT in New Mexico.

Recession Recipes

I thought, in the spirit of these difficult times, I'd share some recipes I've created to beat the economic doldrums. Well, they're not really recipes; they're dishes I've made up with items I find on my shelves and in the fridge. I still remember my mom admonishing my cousin for using a recipe for apple crisp: "Put that book away. You don't need it!" It's some sage advice that's stuck with me over the years.
So what follows is merely a framework or suggestion. It's nothing set in stone. I also realize that the random food I have in my kitchen is by no means typical. You have liberty to adapt to your taste.

Monday Afternoon Short Sauce
3 cloves garlic, chopped
2 T. sundried tomatoes, in oil
2 tsp. capers
1 T. butter
1 T. olive oil
1/4 c. beer (NM green chile works well)
1/4 cream
pepper and oregano to taste

Heat the oil and butter. When pan is hot, add the chopped garlic. Sauté until golden. Throw in the capers and sundried tomatoes and stir. Add the cream and beer, then pepper and oregano to your liking. Serve over your favorite pasta with freshly grated Parmesan cheese. ¡Buen provecho!

Another mundane post

This week has been more relaxed than many previous. I finally had a weekend that I didn't have something planned nor was I sick for the first time in almost three months. Crazy. I've been slacking although I have stuff to get done. But LB and I did wash the blinds with bleach and clean the windows inside and out. Exciting, no? It's nice to not have to look out through layers of dust. And I managed to clean my room and my car out.
Today was my loooong run day. 12 miles. I had to walk the final 1.5 miles. I just felt as if I were bonking for most of the time.
I was busy most of the day, but I didn't do much else. I ate and tried to soak off some of the soreness from the run. Now I'm ready for bed.

I had a good Thanksgiving. The day started off with a 5k. I pushed it in the rain. Then I volunteered at a community meal. They were supposed to begin serving at 10 AM, but there were people lined up at 8:30 because they had no food in their homes. I'm thankful this year that we have the hope of new leadership...this is a pivotal time that we can use to make real change.
I'm also thankful for my family and friends, for a house and ample food, for the ability to move, for the beauty of mountains and trails. I'm thankful that I have work that challenges me and gives me the opportunity to work toward change.

A pleasant surprise

When I went to check on the chickens and the mighty rooster this morning, I noticed that 37 (aka crazy-broody chicken) wasn't anywhere to be found. They're locked up now, so there's not too many places where they can hide. I checked more closely in their coop. 37 wasn't in there either, but I found 6 eggs! Because of the distinctive white flecks covering the shells, I knew they were hers. She had snuck out while I had gone in the coop, but must have just laid an egg because it was still very warm. This is from a chicken that hadn't produced anything in almost 10 months. The rooster must be magic!

This about sums it up...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3_95F5e-Ac

Signed, sealed, delivered...

After five days, I'm still in shock about the results from the elections. New Mexico now has an all-Democratic delegation in Congress for the first time. Ever. Obama won the state by 15%, almost 120,000 votes. The last two presidential elections were decided by fewer than 400 and 6,000 votes, respectively. Never in my wildest dreams would I have expected such results.

Obama's acceptance speech was absolutely inspiring, and I have to give McCain credit, too, for his address. I felt proud to be part of this country, and, for the first time in many years, I am hopeful for the future. We now have leadership that recognizes that the country needs to come together to be able to make effective change.

To be honest, I initially wasn't all that thrilled with Obama's campaign and still take issue with certain positions he's taken. However, what led me to support him is what I saw at his rallies. People were not only excited, they were happy. Waiting hours for Obama to arrive didn't make people agitated or angry. Once Obama began to speak he captivated the audience. Here was an articulate, educated man who was asking to serve as our next president.

There was a palpable energy in the air at rallies, marches and volunteer offices. His campaign motivated people who had never been politically active to become involved. I remember four years ago a feeling of resignation, but this year was completely different. This election had brought people together, at least in my little part of the world. Here’s an excerpt from Obama’s rally in the 505 two weeks ago as a sample.

Although the election is over, our work isn’t done. We must keep the momentum in order to make real change. We have the proof that our efforts make a difference; now we need to remain involved to continue what has just begun.

As Obama concluded in his speech last Tuesday, "The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term. But, America, I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you, we as a people will get there."

¡Sí, se puede!

My menagerie

This week's featured members of the Marita household:

This bird was in my backyard yesterday. I thought it was a chicken until I lured it into the coop and it started herding. Um, I guess I need to work on the male/female discernment thing. I thought he'd be gone since my fence wasn't fixed and had a gaping hole. Nope, he greeted me this morning.
Later, we went over to the neighbor's house to see if was his rooster. He wasn't there, but we did find some creepy man who stared at us through the slats in the fence. I guess the rooster will stay with us for now.

This is Beto. He's gotten bigger but is just as obnoxious as ever. Cuteness is his ploy. Looks aren't the whole story.

A little election day levity

I've noticed a few things lately that have left me a little confused. First, while I hope California says "no" to Prop 8, I don't know if I'd cast my vote for it as the most popular state:

(and while we're on the topic of gay marriage, I have to give NM props for not having passed a defense of marriage act.)

Second, this video has some conflicting info. So, is New Mexico in a recession?

I hope that this election brings better usage of the English language and more knowledge of geography.

I had a cup of chai from a restaurant I tried for the first time tonight and would highly recommend...their garlic and potato soup was perfect.
So, I'm fueled for the rest of the night.
Tomorrow is another training for sandtray. I won't have a day off until Tuesday when I'll be canvassing all day.
Those around me and I seem to be holding our breath about the election. No matter what happens, the work has just begun. I hope that the momentum that has been generated throughout this election can continue for the next for years and beyond.
And speaking of the long road ahead, I've done it. I've committed to a marathon. All 26.2 miles.
Well, I know what I'll be doing with my time now that canvassing is done...
Boa noite.

peace amid the craziness

I don't even know where to start after these past three weeks. I haven't been able to set pen to paper, or rather fingers to keyboard, to make sense of it all. The days have been full of challenges and beauty.

Just as I was putting a load of laundry in to wash today, I heard the sounds of Canada geese. I ran outside to see them flying over in formation as they head south. Yesterday, a raccoon sauntered across a street. It looked at me before crawling in the sewage drain, disappearing into the bowels of the city.

I've continued to canvass every weekend. While I didn't initially want to do it, I enjoy it every time. It mixes many of my interests-walking, exploring, politics and talking and affirms something that I tend to forget: most of us are on the path to a better future and want connection on the way.

I feel a sense of excitement that was void in the last election. In 2004 it seemed that there was a desperation in the air, but this time around, it's hopeful. I think I'll feel a loss once the election is over.

And speaking of hope, I went to a training last week on fundraising or resource development. I'd actually forgotten that I'd agreed to go. Thinking that it would be more about the basics of how to ask for money, I reluctantly went. It turned out to be much more. The trainer, Lynne Twist, focused on the importance of relationships. Her idea of scarcity vs. sufficiency really spoke to me. Many times, especially in this last year, I've lamented that I didn't have more time, sleep, health. She emphasized the fact that there is enough for us to live abundant lives (notwithstanding the inequities that exist in the world). So I have been trying to make a shift in my mentality. Instead of feeling overwhelmed by all I have to do, I give thanks for my job, volunteer work, friends and family, and health.

I have about a million things to do today before I volunteer for the local community radio station's pledge drive, but I've found a book I just can't put down. It's Four Seasons in Five Senses by David Mas Masumoto, a peach farmer in California. Only 100 pages remain. Just enough time to savor the final chapters...

Hope you have a good week.

Dear American Airlines,

With great dread I dialed your number today to modify a reservation. I was afraid that you would belittle me as you did when I once asked for cream cheese with my bagel or when I was told to get hotel at my own expense and return to the airport the next day to wait along with hundreds of others trying to get out of the bowels of Texas.

You pleasantly surprised me, though. An agent cheerfully assisted me. It was painless. And the icing on the cake: "Is there anything else I can do for you this evening?"

Oh, if only flying were so easy.

Yours in frequent flyer solidarity,
Marita

Monday Medley

How quickly the weekend passes!
Yesterday was full of beauty. I was able to do an eight mile run, albeit not a fast one, but I went the distance. In my other blog there are more details. The meditation and dharma discussion later helped me to let go of some mental static.
Today started with acupuncture. Then to the gym, where I found out I've lost 5 lbs. On the way home, I got a cappuccino from someone who just moved here from San Francisco. We shared restaurant stories. He might have gotten distracted and forgotten to give me decaf. Oh, well. I enjoyed it.
At least I know I can make it through the end of my day.

Today

I finally got off my ass to canvass. It's not really my cup of tea-I'm introverted, and I generally try not to bother people. (Of note: I had done some canvassing before but in Spanish. I'm more gregarious when I'm speaking anything besides English.)
When I thought about going door-to-door, I realized how many other things I had to do. Like lay around, waste time on the computer, and read. A phone call a few days ago, though, guilted me into doing it.
And like so many things in life, the reality was much better than the idea I had in my mind. Only one man yelled at me. I wished him a good day. Some people showed their kindness by inviting me into their homes, and others talked about the debate. I had fun.
I'm doing it again next week.

Update

Life has been pretty predictable lately: sleep, chores, work, exercise, eat, read, write, mediate. Lather, rinse, repeat. Don't get me wrong, it's a good thing. It just makes for little to share.

But since I am never at a loss of words, at least at the keyboard, here are some small things that have kept my mind occupied:

• The first fall/winter garden I've planted has germinated. Instead of getting seedlings, it was all planted from seed. Nothing makes me happier than seeing them peak out from the ground. Well, maybe making a salad from the bounty in a few weeks will make me pretty content, too.


• This time of year causes me to reflect on the direction of life. The same process of germinating is happening internally, but I'm not sure what yet seeds are growing. I do feel as if I'm entering a stage of life that is not so externally-focused.


• Several times this week I have heard references to abundance vs. scarcity. That, coupled with the financial situation, has made for interesting mental fodder. Since I'm woefully ignorant of economics, I realize that my analysis of what's been happening is nowhere near complete. I feel for those whose lives have been disrupted by the mess and, at the same time, believe this is yet another lesson in impermanence. As things become more difficult financially, there is still plenty of abundance around me-food in the garden, thoughtful gifts from others, a sealed roof over my head, and the beauty of mountains nearby. It's sort of like that cheesy glass half-empty, half-full thing. The reality is that it'll probably never be as full as I'd like it to be. I can spend my life lamenting what I don't have or what I might loose, or I can be grateful for whatever is near. There will always be something that amazes no matter how challenging life becomes. It's my choice to find it.

I've found that whatever happens or what I do on this day sets the tone for the next year. A year ago today I woke up looking forward to a day off, but my back had other plans. I couldn't move. It had gone out overnight. Eventually I got up and the pain subsided, but there were many other problems to come. (I won't go over the litany of things gone wrong, though. I'm not that old.)

The last 12 months have been a learning experience. The body lets us know loud and clear when we've reached its limits, and if we continue to ignore it, it will force us to stop. We need rest. We need to change how we live. We need to listen.

The challenges have brought a richness to life. I had time to reflect and be grateful when my body worked well. But I'm more than ready to say good-bye to this year.

So what might the next year bring? I started the day talking to family, communing with plants and animals, and giving thanks for the work I do. I laughed with friends and shared with colleagues. In a word, I hope it brings balance.

Breathe

So true are the words of Thich Nhat Hanh...

Ha!

I've appeased the html gods....

Groundedness, groundlessness, or anything in between

Earlier this week I had a feeling that things were getting out of control. Most of it had to do with things that were, in fact, out of my control, yet for which I feel responsible. When this happens, I tend to grasp on to anything that gives me the feeling of being more anchored. It could be ruminating, consuming, or avoiding. Whatever it is, it keeps me from addressing the real problem, though.

A lack of groundlessness leads to the feeling of not having control, and if I look more deeply, a fear of not knowing. I still struggle to keep from runing to something more grounded. Often I take the path of least resistance. It's not always the best.

I like knowing, having a plan, and being reassured that everything is going to be okay. However, life doesn't work that way. More often than not, I find myself in a state of groundlessness. I have fleeting moments when I accept it, but I ultimately end up pushing it away.

Pema Chodron writes: "It's important to hear about this in-between state. Otherwise we think the warrior's journey is one way or the other; either we're all caught up or we're free. The fact is that we spend a long time in the middle. This juicy spot is a fruitful place to be. Resting here completely-steadfastly experiencing the clarity of the present moment-is called enlightenment."

Thankfully, life is forgiving. I'll have many more opportunities to be in the middle. And maybe one day I'll stay.

Holding

Sometimes all we can do is maintain in times of chaos.

It can take a toll, both emotionally and physically.

We often don't have the answers or know just the right thing to say.

And sometimes it's only faith that gets us through.

Fantasy

I've finally figured out what I want to be when I grow up: a writer living in Northern California. I'd be near the coast and spend my days hiking, caring for plants and animals, and penning witty prose.

I would write about love, food, travel, and the fight for justice. The stuff that makes up any good story. I'd probably write non-fiction just because my threshold for suspending disbelief is so high (or would it be low? i just can't do it!). Plus, my life often seems as if it's made up, so inserting reality through writing should be just the thing to do. Maybe composing impassioned social work research would be another option. The opportunities would be endless.

My new home would be within the reach of the ocean's breeze. It wouldn't be big-maybe two rooms with a large porch, complete with a hammock. I've always had a penchant for small houses. Ever since I was little, my dream home had only a few hundred square feet. (If you ask me what's wrong with the US today, I'd definitely have to say it's the houses.)

I have a creative streak in me that I've only let come out in homeopathic doses. Perhaps I need to water those seeds more. And the California thing...I miss the water, trees and rocks.

I'm not planning to go anywhere anytime soon. I'm not under any delusions that I can plop down several digits for an abode and make enough to support myself by stringing words together.

But a girl can dream, can't she?

Nectar

I don't know how else to explain it, but I simply crave Mary Oliver's poetry. I admire her ability to put words to what I can only feel.

So I want to leave you with a another poem that has served as my guide:

What I Have Learned So Far

Meditation is old and honorable, so why should I not sit, every morning of my life, on the hillside, looking into the shining world? Because, properly attended to, delight, as well as havoc, is suggestion. Can one be passionate about the just, the ideal, the sublime, and the holy, and yet commit to no labor in its cause? I don't think so.

All summations have a beginning, all effect has a story, all kindness begins with the sown seed. Thought buds towards radiance. The gospel of light is the crossroads of--indolence, or action.

Be ignited, or be gone.

-Mary Oliver

Memorias

(Above: Jamaica flower, backyard, Burque, NM)

I had to download pictures from my camera to the new computer. I thought I'd share some of my memories from travels and time...

Stinson Beach, CA

Grand Canyon NP

St. Louis Half-Marathon 2007

Birkenau Concentration Camp

Oświęcim, Poland

Neustadt in Holstein, Germany

Machu Picchu, Peru

Santa Monica, CA

Hermits Peak, Las Vegas, NM

Looking east from El Cabezon, NM

Upheaval Dome,

Canyonlands NP, Utah

Moab, UT

The week in review

I'm always amazed at how one thing can throw off my equilibrium. I'd like to be able to say one small thing, but my calm week ended with a bang. I'm getting ahead of myself, though.

Barack Obama came to the 505 for a town hall meeting. Since he was here on a Monday and I had a ticket, I went. It was my first time seeing a presidential candidate, if you don't count the two times I saw Dennis Kucinich. After hearing Obama, I do feel more enthusiastic about supporting him. I'm fed up with the way things are. Being an armchair activist is no longer enough; I've decided to volunteer.

Later that day I played volleyball for the first time in eight years. It was fun. But I then hurt. All over. I'm better now. I'll do it again this Monday.

I can't say how much better my life is now that I'm only working four long days per week instead of five. I feel better. I'm hesitant to say it, but I've been feeling good...

I was supposed to go to Ohio to see my friend Melody next week, but the two weeks I gave myself between trips wasn't enough time. October will be better.

That leaves me in Burque over Labor Day weekend. When I realized that I will be here for the New Mexico Marathon, I initially thought I should do the half. Then I hesitated because I just "ran" one earlier in the month. I thought my sister would be impressed with my sound judgement, but she told me I should probably do it. So I will. Not that I blindly follow her advice. I am the big sister, after all. But she is an exercise physiologist and the inspiration for me to run.

After a tranquil week, I had to extinguish a quick-burning problem at 5 PM today. It's not completely out, but contained. Sometimes that's all that can be done. I'm learning to be fine with it. At least I have next week to try to get things right.

Thursday, the new Wednesday

I went to a four-day workweek, Tues-Fri. This was my first week trying the new schedule. It wasn't a huge difference because most days I had been putting in well over 8 hours. Tuesday kicked my butt, though, being back in the office after vacation, and having a million things scheduled. I wasn't sure if I could make it, but I did.

The best part, though, is waking up on a Saturday morning knowing I still have today and two more full days before I return to work. I'll finally have sufficient time to rest, get things done, and get physical. Finally...

Changes

Every year, when the heat becomes unbearable, the monsoon clouds roll in. If we're lucky, our rainy season begins. It becomes miserably humid* but not as hot. Finally, one day the air changes. A cool breeze blows. It's still warm, but one can tell that summer is beginning to lose its hold.
I've noticed that it felt different when I went outside in the mornings this week. Today, I smelled change. I don't know how to explain it-only a waft of fall, but it's on its way. It makes me happy.

*Miserable means levels of humidity at 40% or higher. I know most of you in steamier areas are probably rolling your eyes. We're just not used to feeling sweaty!

Amor II

It's not love unless it seeps from your pores.

The pursuit of happiness?

After reading Eric Weiner's The Geography of Bliss last month, I've begun to ponder the role of happiness in life. I really hadn't thought about it much, besides reflecting on whether or not I'm happy. Since finishing the book, I've noticed several references to the psychology of happiness in other places.

It was an interesting, if sometimes incomplete, read. I was drawn initially to the chapter on Bhutan's "gross national happiness." Weiner visits several other countries and devotes a chapter each, looking at what causes people to be happy in those places (with the exception of unhappy Moldova). The answers ranged from having clean toilets to being able to trust those around you.

As I was reading the book, though, I wondered if the wrong term was discussed. Being happy is an emotional state that's subject to change. The sources of happiness identified in the book were primarily external.

If I had to rank my happiness these days, it would rank pretty high, higher than it was a few years ago. Of course, I still get bouts of cynicism and anxiousness when I feel that things are getting out of control. However, when I stop and calm myself, I see something that's deeper and more constant than the variable emotions. I'm not sure what to call it: centeredness, satisfaction, or equanimity?

Whatever it is, it's there, too, when I'm happy. And while having this centeredness has helped me to be happier, it's not happiness. It's something more.

Maybe it doesn't need to be named.

Or studied.....


Or written about.....


The End.

Le Fin

I couldn't wait to reach the finish line to eat the bananas awaiting us.
But nothing says "good job" like being handed a flaxseed pumpkin bar upon completing a race.

Summertime bounty

Pesto made from freshly picked basil.

Tonight, zucchini soup.

Tomorrow, eggplant and tofu.

yum...

upon return

First, the weather...

It was in the 60s when I left San Francisco yesterday, and 106 degrees in Phoenix. By the time I made it back to Burque, a rain shower had rolled in, making the temp a balmy 72. Beautiful.


The poem "Mindful" by Mary Oliver was my meditation for the trip. It starts:


Every day
I see or I hear
something
that more or less
Kills me
with delight...

I must have died a thousand little deaths these past two weeks. The plants, animals, people, air, water, rocks...


Highlights: eating ethiopian food, traveling with family and friends, enjoying vinho in wine country, reading as much as I wanted, soaking, sticking my feet in the cold ocean.

The race: I earned the bling! And I got to run over this:

This trip helped me feel "normal" again, whatever that ephemeral term means. After a year focused on work and establishing myself professionally, I realized I need a lot more play in my life. Today I did yoga in the morning and spent the rest of the day relaxing and doing laundry.

I realize that even when I'm off, I have a habit (or maybe more of an addiction) to checking my work email. So, I did, mostly to reassure myself that nothing catastrophic had happened. It didn't, but I did find out that we had gotten a grant for more than the amount requested.

Now, I need to clean the house before my mother arrives tomorrow.

Life is good.

They say "a 20-minute walk" like it's a bad thing

What have things come to? That a walk 1+ miles is an inconvenience?

Sometimes I lament that I should be in better shape. I know I should. But when I hear someone cautioning me that I might want to consider staying in a different building at a retreat center because it's too far removed from everything else, I start to wonder. Removed, to me, means far, as in way more than a mile. I chuckled when the reservation person said "well, it's a 20 minute walk from the main buildings."

That's exactly the point. First, I don't need to be only meters away from everything else. This will be time to recharge without all the distractions. Second, what better way to recharge by taking a leisurely stroll outdoors to go to the hot springs and places to eat.

I put it into perspective when I'm upset that I only ran 3 miles or that I didn't make it to the top of a mountain. Maybe just I'm getting überanalytical about this, but 20 minutes ain't got nothin' on me.

It's been one of those weeks...

...where everything that could go wrong has. I don't know what it was. Communication was all over the place. Being questioned about things that were irrelevant. I wondered why everyone is staring at me only to come to find I've had spinach in my teeth. It wasn't there after I ate, I promise! I even checked. All I can do is laugh. at myself. incessantly.

Today was a breakthrough. I worked most of the day. I came to a little truce with myself that I needed to push myself in order to have things done. So I can relax on my trip. Which is only 5 days away. I don't know why I'm fragment-crazy. It's just. the way. my mind works. these days.

LB got a new computer. Yea! Now I'll be able to waste time again!

I did go on a run around the 'hood. Ready as I'm going to be.

And this is where I'm staying in California:

Check out http://www.harbin.org/. I'm so there.

Impermanence

The computer at my home completely crashed last weekend. Since then I've had limited computer access-I probably will for the next few weeks or months, except for when I'll be in Califas for almost two weeks.

My trip's slowly coming together. Everyone asks me, "Do you know anyone out there? Do you have family?" No. I'm planning to take part of my trip alone. I need the time to decompress and regroup. It's been a pretty hard six months because I haven't had time to let go of everything. Or maybe I just haven't felt that I could do it here with all the responsibilities I have.

My sister and her friend will be joining me toward the end. We're all running the SFO First Half Marathon, my first race with a time limit. Under normal circumstances the cutoff wouldn't be a problem, but my life and my health have been anything but normal lately. I know I can do it; however, if I can't make it by the time required, I go on my own or I take a taxi back to where I need to be. It really is that simple.

One observation I've made about my life recently is that so many of the things I do bring me back to my breath. Playing the flute, running, meditating. It's not about what might happen or what I'm not doing. They all remind me of what's essential. I'm grateful for this moment.

Amor

I'm ashamed to admit it: I'm in love with these shoes. They're part of what started the spending frenzy in Chicago. But if I would've known they're just as comfy as cute, I would have gotten four pairs instead of two. (the brown ones are in my closet, too!) I love me some Skechers.

Battles won

For many years, there has never been an alpha animal in my home. The cats will fight, but it's more about not loosing than actually winning. We joke that it's the "battle for the middle," but that's changing. Beto has no fear of the big guys and will even start eating the other cat's food. Pretty brave stuff for a 2 lb. cat. I think once he gets big enough, he'll be on top.

In other news, finally I'm organized! I spent a few hours yesterday and today getting things in order, so I can now work on other projects. My workload expectation is decreasing, so I'm hoping that will make a difference in my daily activities.

And I got my provisional license this week. All that's left for me is to take the exam. I'm tempted to sign up to take it in three weeks, just to get it out of the way. I'll postpone studying until the week before the exam no matter when I schedule it; why delay? Then I'll have it out of the way when I go on vacation.

My biggest battle the past few weeks has been getting over a "cold" (they get even more exciting when your immune system's already trying to recover from something else) and the stomach flu. I was out of work for about a week, but now I'm back with a vengeance.

Only five more weeks until the SF half-marathon. I'm not going down without a fight.

Lazy Sunday List

• Because my sister ran six miles yesterday, I thought I had to do the same. So I did-in the bosque moonlight. Since I didn't want the coyotes to find me, I felt I was running faster, but my time was the slowest it's been. It wasn't until I got home that I saw I only had to run 5 miles. Thanks, Meg!
• I'm excited about traveling. I wish I could take the rest of the summer off. Seriously.
• Things are getting a little bit out of control with the animals. Because two of the chickens are not laying now, I'd like to get two more. Figuring out where to keep chicks and how to introduce them to the backyard becomes a challenge when factoring in all the other animals that live here.
• I have a hankerin' to go to Utah, which tops the top of my list for the most beautiful states. It's a place where I feel more centered.

• While talking about things I'd like to do, hiking La Luz is on the top of my list. My vague physical ailments have kept me from doing this over the past two years, but I'm ready to get off my ass and do this.
• What's the deal with the freakin' layout?
• I know of an organization that asks its employees to refrain from using language related to violence. I wonder what they call bullet points.
• Hmmm...thinking about all the hiking makes me tired. Maybe I should vegetate all summer. I don't do well in the heat normally, anyway.

Summertime

It's hot here; it's the time of the year when I hide inside during the middle part of the day because the sun is just too hot. To keep me company on these sultry days, I have a new companion, Beto. Here he is:

He's a good boy, already using the scratching post, umm...or the arm of the couch.

I adopted him from my flute teacher, so I've gotten to see him grow each time I went for my lesson. After he was born, my teacher asked if I wanted to see her new kittens that she needed to give away. I had made up my mind to not get too attached to them, but I'd wanted to get a solid gray kitten for a long while now. Since I couldn't say no, Beto is the newest addition to the straggly menagerie inhabiting my home. He's sleeping on my shoulder as I type.

In other news, I've started planning my trips for the summer. My agenda: northern California, San Antonio, and Ohio. Total of all the air travel: less than $250. It'll probably be the last time I will be able to say that. I'll be able to have some time alone and be able to catch up with family and friends during my travels.

I'll leave you with this poem about ABQ:

I live in a small town called Burque

That was known as being a bit quirky.

Then they adopted the "Q"

Its significance, I haven't a clue.

meaning is rather quite murky.

(random rant: I wish I knew html so I could control the layout of these posts)

Poetry Pah-tee

Señor Creepy

There once was a cat named Stozz,
Who materialized like Dorthy in Oz.
He decided to stay,
and I regretted the day
He fondled me with his own paws.

___________________________

There once was a girl from Westside
Who took all her training in stride.
She never was fast,
For she often was last,
But that never injured her pride.

________________________

El tiempo loco

Since I was getting a little stir crazy, I decided to take a mini-vacation over the long weekend. When I left town on Friday, it was 52 degrees in Burque, 40 cooler than earlier in the week. As I went over the Glorieta Pass to northern NM and the temperature dipped into the 30s, I thought, the roads might freeze tonight! It had rained earlier in the day, and the interstate was still wet. It's been a crazy spring.



On Saturday, instead of doing my "long" run, I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and scenery. So I climbed this:



I'm not sure how I made it to the top, other than putting one foot in front of the other. It kicked my ass more than any five-mile run could.

This week hasn't been too hectic. I took the big step today of filling out the paperwork for my independent license. It should all be in the mail by next week. Now I need to start studying for the exam...

I always find something to fill up my free time!

Balance

The past two weeks I've begun running regularly. My strength's come back, and I feel good. I didn't realize how much I've needed to get back into this, not only for the phyiscal benefits, but also for the mental and emotional effects. The past twelve months have been such a struggle for me. I didn't feel centered; most of the time I was stressed. I hadn't been able to run for most of that time. It wasn't until this weekend that I determined that a good part of my high stress level had to do with not running.
It helps me to relax. I'm able to let go of whatever else is going on with my life.
Although now 4 miles is the new 10 miler and I'm pretty tired by the time I finish, I'm feeling better than I have in the last year. Another benefit of running is that it gives me structure in my schedule. If I have to do a run in the evening, then I know I can't work to late.
Running gets me outside. I hate running on treadmills, so I spend more time in nature. Yesterday, I had the joy of seeing a pheasant in the bosque at the end of my run.
It feels good to be centered again.

Bliss

Rain came-twice-in the last 24 hours. I didn't have to get up early to water the garden. Today was deliciously cool. Living in the desert makes me long for cloudy, dreary days like this.

Work's slowed down. I found out I'll be going to San Francisco for a conference later this summer. This will on my agenda, too.

Tonight, on one of my training runs, I thought I made a mistake when I ran an 11 minute mile. Granted, it was just one, but my car's odometer confirmed the distance.

My friend and I have found a wonderful Cuban restaurant, where we had lunch. And I had two cafes con leche. Heaven...

Since I have a tendency to become negative when things bring me down, I often need to remind myself of what's good in life. Here's a small list to start, with no particular rhyme, reason, or parallel structure:
1. Free community garden plot that will give me enough space for the onions and extra tomatoes
2. Chickens
3. Good dental insurance coverage
4. Being told by the dentist I "have nice teeth"
5. Air
6. Family and friends who listen when I need to vent
7. Sun
8. Clotheslines
9. Body that moves
10. Bike
11. Only having to work one job
12. Spring!

Small Wonders

It's the little things that make me happy.

For instance, I had been saving some earplugs I had gotten on an overnight flight about two years ago. Just two weeks ago, I figured out that I needed to wear them now. The cats cross my bedroom at night to get to "their" room. Often, they are loud and obnoxious, but with the earplugs, I don't hear anything now. My insomnia is almost gone. I don't know why I waited so long.

Lemon grass is another pleasure. I found some yesterday when I went to the nursery, so I got four containers. Growing most of the herbs I use for cooking makes me happy.

Midnight revelations-although I am sleeping better now, I still wake up in the middle of the night with my brain going at full speed. I remembered last night that my neighborhood association has some free plots at a community garden. I can use that for the extra tomatoes, basil, and onions.

Unscheduled time lets me explore. Nothing more wonderful than getting up in the morning and doing whatever catches my fancy. I'm going to work on the garden while it's still cool. I also have a hanckerin' for some hot springs...I'll see.

Morning Poem

By Mary Oliver

Every morning
the world
is created.
Under the orange

sticks of the sun
the heaped
ashes of the night
turn into leaves again

and fasten themselves to the high branches-
and the ponds appear
like black cloth
on which are painted islands

of summer lilies.
If it is your nature
to be happy
you will swim away along the soft trails

for hours, your imagination
alighting everywhere.
And if your spirit
carries within it

the thorn
that is heavier than lead-
if it's all you can do
to keep on trudging-

there is still
somewhere deep within you
a beast shouting that the earth
is exactly what it wanted-

each pond with its blazing lilies
is a prayer heard and answered
lavishly,
every morning,

whether or not
you have ever dared to be happy,
whether or not
you have ever dared to pray.

Happy National Poetry Month!

Gettin' things done

I spent most of the day doing errands or things on my to-do list, like getting plants for my backyard. It's basically a salsa and pesto garden, but I decided to go with some new things: Armenian cucumbers, yellow squash, tomatillos, and watermelon. I don't know what I was thinking about the last one. Actually, I might have been asleep during the whole trip. I ended up with more tomato and basil plants than I'll have room for. I realize that I'm probably going to have to lock the chickens in their coop because they have taken over the yard. Pobrecitas!

Before I started my gardening project, I decided to get off my ass and cook. I was lamenting the fact that I can't get vegetarian mole enchiladas when I came to the conclusion that if I want good food, I need to make it myself. So I did. It was delicious. Here's a photo that doesn't really do the dish justice...

(Perhaps my next goal should be to take a photography class. I never thought the day would come when I would be a better cook than photographer.)

Tomorrow, I will continue with the gardening, and if there's time, go for a short (2-3 mi.) run. To make my break from work feel more like a vacation, I'm going to try to blog daily about my, ahem, adventures.

Spring Fee-va

It's my cat's 10th birthday today!

He celebrated by eating some delicious dairy products.

I'm recovering from a long month; I'm pretty much over the hump except for a grant that's due soon. To recuperate, I'm taking almost a week off from work, and I'm planning to do the things I haven't had time or energy to do...like cleaning the floors, the chicken coop, the closets...maybe...

The highlight of the past few weeks would definitely have to be the trip to Chicago for a training. I had never really been there except to change trains or sit in a plane on hot tarmac for hours. I'd always imagined the city was like other standard Midwestern ones: bland and boring but on a larger scale. Chicago proved me wrong. My traveling companion and I had so much fun, we could have stayed longer. If we hadn't flown out on the Monday before American Airlines grounded its fleet of MD-80s, we would have. But that's another story.

Ah, the food. I tied mole for the first time. Here in Burque, a standard ingredient for mole is chicken. In Chicago, you can order cheese enchiladas with mole as the sauce. Devine. I also got to eat Ethiopian food-twice! And tapas...my stomach was happy.

Since I love all things related to mass transport, I was elated to ride on the metro and bus system. Some people consider having a car is freedom, but for me, I find it liberating to know how to get around without a car. I came back to Burque with a public transportation high (that's now starting to fade).

I have to confess, I did break my vow of not buying anything. The temptation was so strong, it wasn't just a slip. It was a complete disaster. Books, shoes, dresses, necklaces, scarves...I guess I'm rationalizing it this way: when I'm on vacation, I can take a vacation from the vow. It's not right, I know. I made it three months with the only slip of buying a to-go cup, which I purchased to decrease my use of disposable items. But I'm back on my vow now.

To make up for the relapse, I have made another decision to take the bus twice a week. It's quite a commitment to do this. The system here is not that efficient. And it drives me crazy sometimes. That's all I'll say.

Another part of my decision to use more public transportation is to get more exercise. One of the benefits of living in a city with an inefficient system is that I get to walk more when I take the bus.

I am finally starting to get my strength back. I've gone hiking three times in the last week (the kind that is vertical and kicks your ass). And I've made a resolution: I will run a marathon by the end of the year. My body will be healthy enough.

I found a book, The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer,that I think will be helpful. The book is geared toward those first-time marathoners, and it's for people whose goal is to finish. The running plan is something that I can fit into my schedule, and it focuses not only on the physical aspects of training, but also on the psychological.

I'm looking forward to having a week off. I feel as if I've been on automatic since the beginning of the year. I hope to relax and do nothing for at least part of the time.