Sound advice

I received The Lifelong Activist: How to Change the World Without Losing Your Way as a gift late last year. Basically a self-help book for those involved with social change, I was particularly impressed with the section on time management. The author Hillary Rettig has developed documents to assist with tracking one's time and to provide guidance in living a life congruent with one's values.
What really caught my attention, though, was the fact that it's important, well imperative, that there be enough light to complete whatever task is at hand. Literally. There have been several times in the past few weeks when I've tried to find something but am too lazy to get up to turn on the light. It's frustrating....until I shed some light on the subject. Often, it's not that I'm lazy; I just want to conserve, so I don't use any light. But now that I'm paying more attention to my efficiency, I see that even though I may save in some areas, it's not really a benefit.
For most of my life, I have tried to make due in most areas in my life by using as few resources as possible. I've prided myself in being able to accomplish tasks creatively and stretching what I have as far as it will go.
But I've reached a point where it's no longer always most efficient for me to use as little as possible because I've stopped measuring efficiency by how little used or how much money saved. My time, along with my creativity and skills, are also valuable. I need to have the tools to do my job, whatever it is, as well as possible.
So that might mean advocating for what I need. I may have to be more honest with others about what I really can do or provide. And, definitely, I will be making sure there’s enough light.

Balança

When most Fridays roll around, the exhaustion has taken up residence after four days of listening to challenges, trying to find answers, and expressing thoughts in two languages. Balance has been my goal for this year. Some days it's there, and other feel as if it will never be within my reach.

Brooke Williams in his book Half-lifes writes that balance can only be attained while in motion. His analogy of riding a bike seems apt. My take is that it takes practice move closer to that equilibrium. Even though it doesn't necessarily imply doing something, it is not something that can passively be achieved.

I struggle because I know what to do to create more balance in my life, but I often don't act on that knowledge. Instead, I procrastinate or fester my anxiousness until I feel overwhelmed and helpless. Inertia pulls me to do nothing.

At times, I'm able to do things, like writing, that give me a taste of that balance. And it feels pretty good. I just can't understand why it's so difficult to do things that generate balance in my life.

Another year...

2008 kind of slipped away. While a good part of it was my own doing, some circumstances beyond my control made life interesting, in a challenging way. Needless to say, I didn't make much progress on the goals I set 12 months ago. So, I'm just reusing them again this year. I like to think of it as 2008 v.2.

This time around, though, I thought I would throw in some feel-good goals to help me feel like I'm doing something. Here's my list:

-Eat no red meat
-Recycle
-Exercise
-Speak Spanish
-Read
-Practice mindfulness

What an improvement! I've already done everything on this list and there are still 364 days left to go.

Okay, now on to the rest of the list. The real list.

-Follow the goals of the Compact (this time for the entire year. I made it 3 months last year.)
-Run a marathon. (Training is coming along. Did 4 half-marathons in the last 5 months of 2008.)
-Observe mindful speech. (I've become very mindful of how unmindful my speech is.)
-Save up enough money to take a trip that would involve travel over the equator or across six or more time zones.
-Practice gratitude.

I hope you have a wonderful 2009! Peace.

Groundedness, groundlessness, or anything in between

Earlier this week I had a feeling that things were getting out of control. Most of it had to do with things that were, in fact, out of my control, yet for which I feel responsible. When this happens, I tend to grasp on to anything that gives me the feeling of being more anchored. It could be ruminating, consuming, or avoiding. Whatever it is, it keeps me from addressing the real problem, though.

A lack of groundlessness leads to the feeling of not having control, and if I look more deeply, a fear of not knowing. I still struggle to keep from runing to something more grounded. Often I take the path of least resistance. It's not always the best.

I like knowing, having a plan, and being reassured that everything is going to be okay. However, life doesn't work that way. More often than not, I find myself in a state of groundlessness. I have fleeting moments when I accept it, but I ultimately end up pushing it away.

Pema Chodron writes: "It's important to hear about this in-between state. Otherwise we think the warrior's journey is one way or the other; either we're all caught up or we're free. The fact is that we spend a long time in the middle. This juicy spot is a fruitful place to be. Resting here completely-steadfastly experiencing the clarity of the present moment-is called enlightenment."

Thankfully, life is forgiving. I'll have many more opportunities to be in the middle. And maybe one day I'll stay.