Rockin' the 915

I can cross that one of my list of resolutions. Last Sunday was the El Paso Marathon. I had registered because it was cheap and close. If there had been another race that had met those criteria, I would have chosen that one. Thankfully, there wasn't because it turned out to be an awesome experience.
It started off with our hotel offering to shuttle us to dinner. We ended up at some quasi-swank place that we eventually left after being ignored for more than 10 minutes. It worked out, though, because we ate at a delicious pizzeria nestled in a quaint part of El Paso. I didn't know El Paso had quaint parts. They do.
Afterwards, we had to huddle for more than 40 minutes outside the restaurant we were first at to wait for the shuttle. The weather was cold and windy. It almost felt as if we were in California with the cool, slightly humid breeze.
The next day also began cool. There were almost 2000 runners at the start. I had finally resigned myself to running the marathon. In the weeks leading up to the event, I had doubts that I would be able to do it. Any run more than 16 miles left me feeling like crap and wasn't fun, and I didn't see how I could do 10 more. But, to my benefit, I had dug myself into a little hole. One of my personal goals for my performance evaluation this year is to run a marathon. Since I really didn't want to back out of my goal, I started telling everyone I knew about it. If people know that I'm supposed to be doing something, I do it.
A marathon really involves more mental work than anything else. Granted, one needs to be in some shape to move for many miles and many hours, but self-talk can is what gets you to the finish line. The fans help, too. The volunteers cheered so hard at mile 18 I thought that someone was powerfully overtaking me. They were just cheering! It was exactly what I needed. At mile 25, someone yelled, "Do you want water, Gatorade, or beer?" When I said "beer," they all went crazy. It made me laugh (if only on the inside) that a group of people would be so escatic to pour a cup of beer. Not much further ahead, someone came running in the opposite direction caring a torch and asked if I had beer in my cup. It made him happy that I did. (For some reason this all seemed to make more sense when it happened, and I swear it really was more entertaining...)
Some stops had fruit, chocolate, brats, and gels. There were stops almost every mile. I didn't go hungry or thirsty. That helped me with the self-talk.
I broke down the race into 3 8-mile runs and some change. When LB turned around at mile 8 to finish the half, I was able to tell myself the run had just begun. For most of the race, I only focused on short distances and not the fact that I had to run for a longer time than what I took me to drive to ELP the day before.
I felt fine until mile 21 when I was going down a hill and found I could not walk on gravel. My whole right foot had blistered and was painful. I could only run for a few seconds before having to walk. I had to stay on pavement because it was the least abrasive surface. I was grateful that I had brought along enough Advil to get me through.
I was so happy to turn the final corner to see the finish line. I had made it under the cut-off by just three minutes. But it didn't matter. I did it. It was fun. I enjoyed it. All 26.2 miles.

upon return

First, the weather...

It was in the 60s when I left San Francisco yesterday, and 106 degrees in Phoenix. By the time I made it back to Burque, a rain shower had rolled in, making the temp a balmy 72. Beautiful.


The poem "Mindful" by Mary Oliver was my meditation for the trip. It starts:


Every day
I see or I hear
something
that more or less
Kills me
with delight...

I must have died a thousand little deaths these past two weeks. The plants, animals, people, air, water, rocks...


Highlights: eating ethiopian food, traveling with family and friends, enjoying vinho in wine country, reading as much as I wanted, soaking, sticking my feet in the cold ocean.

The race: I earned the bling! And I got to run over this:

This trip helped me feel "normal" again, whatever that ephemeral term means. After a year focused on work and establishing myself professionally, I realized I need a lot more play in my life. Today I did yoga in the morning and spent the rest of the day relaxing and doing laundry.

I realize that even when I'm off, I have a habit (or maybe more of an addiction) to checking my work email. So, I did, mostly to reassure myself that nothing catastrophic had happened. It didn't, but I did find out that we had gotten a grant for more than the amount requested.

Now, I need to clean the house before my mother arrives tomorrow.

Life is good.

Impermanence

The computer at my home completely crashed last weekend. Since then I've had limited computer access-I probably will for the next few weeks or months, except for when I'll be in Califas for almost two weeks.

My trip's slowly coming together. Everyone asks me, "Do you know anyone out there? Do you have family?" No. I'm planning to take part of my trip alone. I need the time to decompress and regroup. It's been a pretty hard six months because I haven't had time to let go of everything. Or maybe I just haven't felt that I could do it here with all the responsibilities I have.

My sister and her friend will be joining me toward the end. We're all running the SFO First Half Marathon, my first race with a time limit. Under normal circumstances the cutoff wouldn't be a problem, but my life and my health have been anything but normal lately. I know I can do it; however, if I can't make it by the time required, I go on my own or I take a taxi back to where I need to be. It really is that simple.

One observation I've made about my life recently is that so many of the things I do bring me back to my breath. Playing the flute, running, meditating. It's not about what might happen or what I'm not doing. They all remind me of what's essential. I'm grateful for this moment.

Battles won

For many years, there has never been an alpha animal in my home. The cats will fight, but it's more about not loosing than actually winning. We joke that it's the "battle for the middle," but that's changing. Beto has no fear of the big guys and will even start eating the other cat's food. Pretty brave stuff for a 2 lb. cat. I think once he gets big enough, he'll be on top.

In other news, finally I'm organized! I spent a few hours yesterday and today getting things in order, so I can now work on other projects. My workload expectation is decreasing, so I'm hoping that will make a difference in my daily activities.

And I got my provisional license this week. All that's left for me is to take the exam. I'm tempted to sign up to take it in three weeks, just to get it out of the way. I'll postpone studying until the week before the exam no matter when I schedule it; why delay? Then I'll have it out of the way when I go on vacation.

My biggest battle the past few weeks has been getting over a "cold" (they get even more exciting when your immune system's already trying to recover from something else) and the stomach flu. I was out of work for about a week, but now I'm back with a vengeance.

Only five more weeks until the SF half-marathon. I'm not going down without a fight.

Balance

The past two weeks I've begun running regularly. My strength's come back, and I feel good. I didn't realize how much I've needed to get back into this, not only for the phyiscal benefits, but also for the mental and emotional effects. The past twelve months have been such a struggle for me. I didn't feel centered; most of the time I was stressed. I hadn't been able to run for most of that time. It wasn't until this weekend that I determined that a good part of my high stress level had to do with not running.
It helps me to relax. I'm able to let go of whatever else is going on with my life.
Although now 4 miles is the new 10 miler and I'm pretty tired by the time I finish, I'm feeling better than I have in the last year. Another benefit of running is that it gives me structure in my schedule. If I have to do a run in the evening, then I know I can't work to late.
Running gets me outside. I hate running on treadmills, so I spend more time in nature. Yesterday, I had the joy of seeing a pheasant in the bosque at the end of my run.
It feels good to be centered again.