Since I have a tendency to become negative when things bring me down, I often need to remind myself of what's good in life. Here's a small list to start, with no particular rhyme, reason, or parallel structure:
1. Free community garden plot that will give me enough space for the onions and extra tomatoes
2. Chickens
3. Good dental insurance coverage
4. Being told by the dentist I "have nice teeth"
5. Air
6. Family and friends who listen when I need to vent
7. Sun
8. Clotheslines
9. Body that moves
10. Bike
11. Only having to work one job
12. Spring!

Small Wonders

It's the little things that make me happy.

For instance, I had been saving some earplugs I had gotten on an overnight flight about two years ago. Just two weeks ago, I figured out that I needed to wear them now. The cats cross my bedroom at night to get to "their" room. Often, they are loud and obnoxious, but with the earplugs, I don't hear anything now. My insomnia is almost gone. I don't know why I waited so long.

Lemon grass is another pleasure. I found some yesterday when I went to the nursery, so I got four containers. Growing most of the herbs I use for cooking makes me happy.

Midnight revelations-although I am sleeping better now, I still wake up in the middle of the night with my brain going at full speed. I remembered last night that my neighborhood association has some free plots at a community garden. I can use that for the extra tomatoes, basil, and onions.

Unscheduled time lets me explore. Nothing more wonderful than getting up in the morning and doing whatever catches my fancy. I'm going to work on the garden while it's still cool. I also have a hanckerin' for some hot springs...I'll see.

Morning Poem

By Mary Oliver

Every morning
the world
is created.
Under the orange

sticks of the sun
the heaped
ashes of the night
turn into leaves again

and fasten themselves to the high branches-
and the ponds appear
like black cloth
on which are painted islands

of summer lilies.
If it is your nature
to be happy
you will swim away along the soft trails

for hours, your imagination
alighting everywhere.
And if your spirit
carries within it

the thorn
that is heavier than lead-
if it's all you can do
to keep on trudging-

there is still
somewhere deep within you
a beast shouting that the earth
is exactly what it wanted-

each pond with its blazing lilies
is a prayer heard and answered
lavishly,
every morning,

whether or not
you have ever dared to be happy,
whether or not
you have ever dared to pray.

Happy National Poetry Month!

Gettin' things done

I spent most of the day doing errands or things on my to-do list, like getting plants for my backyard. It's basically a salsa and pesto garden, but I decided to go with some new things: Armenian cucumbers, yellow squash, tomatillos, and watermelon. I don't know what I was thinking about the last one. Actually, I might have been asleep during the whole trip. I ended up with more tomato and basil plants than I'll have room for. I realize that I'm probably going to have to lock the chickens in their coop because they have taken over the yard. Pobrecitas!

Before I started my gardening project, I decided to get off my ass and cook. I was lamenting the fact that I can't get vegetarian mole enchiladas when I came to the conclusion that if I want good food, I need to make it myself. So I did. It was delicious. Here's a photo that doesn't really do the dish justice...

(Perhaps my next goal should be to take a photography class. I never thought the day would come when I would be a better cook than photographer.)

Tomorrow, I will continue with the gardening, and if there's time, go for a short (2-3 mi.) run. To make my break from work feel more like a vacation, I'm going to try to blog daily about my, ahem, adventures.

Spring Fee-va

It's my cat's 10th birthday today!

He celebrated by eating some delicious dairy products.

I'm recovering from a long month; I'm pretty much over the hump except for a grant that's due soon. To recuperate, I'm taking almost a week off from work, and I'm planning to do the things I haven't had time or energy to do...like cleaning the floors, the chicken coop, the closets...maybe...

The highlight of the past few weeks would definitely have to be the trip to Chicago for a training. I had never really been there except to change trains or sit in a plane on hot tarmac for hours. I'd always imagined the city was like other standard Midwestern ones: bland and boring but on a larger scale. Chicago proved me wrong. My traveling companion and I had so much fun, we could have stayed longer. If we hadn't flown out on the Monday before American Airlines grounded its fleet of MD-80s, we would have. But that's another story.

Ah, the food. I tied mole for the first time. Here in Burque, a standard ingredient for mole is chicken. In Chicago, you can order cheese enchiladas with mole as the sauce. Devine. I also got to eat Ethiopian food-twice! And tapas...my stomach was happy.

Since I love all things related to mass transport, I was elated to ride on the metro and bus system. Some people consider having a car is freedom, but for me, I find it liberating to know how to get around without a car. I came back to Burque with a public transportation high (that's now starting to fade).

I have to confess, I did break my vow of not buying anything. The temptation was so strong, it wasn't just a slip. It was a complete disaster. Books, shoes, dresses, necklaces, scarves...I guess I'm rationalizing it this way: when I'm on vacation, I can take a vacation from the vow. It's not right, I know. I made it three months with the only slip of buying a to-go cup, which I purchased to decrease my use of disposable items. But I'm back on my vow now.

To make up for the relapse, I have made another decision to take the bus twice a week. It's quite a commitment to do this. The system here is not that efficient. And it drives me crazy sometimes. That's all I'll say.

Another part of my decision to use more public transportation is to get more exercise. One of the benefits of living in a city with an inefficient system is that I get to walk more when I take the bus.

I am finally starting to get my strength back. I've gone hiking three times in the last week (the kind that is vertical and kicks your ass). And I've made a resolution: I will run a marathon by the end of the year. My body will be healthy enough.

I found a book, The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer,that I think will be helpful. The book is geared toward those first-time marathoners, and it's for people whose goal is to finish. The running plan is something that I can fit into my schedule, and it focuses not only on the physical aspects of training, but also on the psychological.

I'm looking forward to having a week off. I feel as if I've been on automatic since the beginning of the year. I hope to relax and do nothing for at least part of the time.

Recommended Reading

The Art of Power by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Way We Eat: Why Our Food Choices Matter by Peter Singer and Jim Mason
Food for thought...

Así es la vida

I think I've hit a wall.

In the early afternoon I started getting so tired that I went home early. I had plans this morning of doing the dishes when I got home. They're still in the sink. (I did do two loads of laundry and hung them out...) I had grand plans of doing a powerpoint presentation for I training I'll be doing in about two weeks. Pero, nada. Estoy aquí en mi cama, descansándome. I thought I could stave it off until next month, when I'm planning to take a week off.

El único problemita es que tengo mucho para hacer en las próximas tres semanas. Hay una junta importante, una solicitud de una beca que tengo que cumplir, y un entrenamiento en Chicago en la semana que entra…¡No tengo tiempo para estar enferma!

Aaayy...así es la life, ¿no?

Remedios

The past two weeks have been busy with visitors and work on the house. First, we had Joe and Ruth, Servas travelers from Canada, stay with us for two days, and then my dad came from Tejass to get his New Mexico fix.

My dad spent most of the time making improvements on the house. The big project was working on the back room, which used to be dungeon-like with its dark walls and carpet. It was retiled in a lighter color this past summer, and this past weekend, we worked on painting the walls a lighter color, and he added track lighting and a bamboo curtain to cover the window. Here are some pictures of the final product...

Today my friend Kesi, her new dog, and I went hiking. It's our sort-of Easter tradition. I think we made it about a mile up some incline before I couldn't go any further. I've realized that I'm still trying to get over the exhaustion.

I've found some things that have helped. I noticed that I have more energy when I take a B-vitamin complex sublingually. (I just learned from a book I read that some vegetarians don't get enough of this vitamin....all the fuss is usually on protein.) I've been getting some reflexology done, which also makes me feel better. Another thing I've wanted to do is ear candling...I think I might have had an ear infection on top of everything else. It helped, too. And I'd recommend it. Most importanly, I find catching up with sleep on the weekend keeps me happy during the week.

insomnio..

Yo lo que quiero es un avioncito
Un avioncito que me vuele
Que me vuele lejos
Que me vuele que me vuele
-yerba buena

International Women's Day

This IWD coincides with my 20 year anniversary of considering myself a feminist. I guess I was one before then, but I didn't know of the term. I just knew that things weren't right. I had hopes of things changing in the future, but I don't think that's happened, at least to the extent I had wanted it to.

My middle school-self wanted equality in pay for women, access to reproductive health care services, and a future that included more than settling down with someone and getting married.

As I got older, I began to understand more deeply how the issues of social justice also tie into feminism. Accessing clean water, living in a safe home, having a reliable source of food, and being able to live without fear of violence are concerns that affect all women to differing degrees.

There hasn't been equality. Femicides continue to occur. The gender pay gap has not narrowed, and, in fact, has begun to widen in the past 10 years. Women are living and raising children in a world that's becoming increasingly more toxic.

There's a lot more work to be done.

Props for the tired one or ramblings for the masses

I finally took the time to learn how to have titles for my posts. It's the best thing that happened today.
I've been trying to recover from a super-long and stressful week. I am realizing that I need to set better limits with my time. Life is a bit out of control right now.
It's 44 days into my resolution of not buying anything (see stated exceptions). So far it hasn't been a problem; in a way, it's easier. After working way too many hours this weekend, I felt I needed a reward but was able to just observe my desire for something new and shiny. It passed.
I'm thinking I need to give up something that's more of a sacrifice, like eating out or driving whenever I want. Then it brings me back to setting limits. I need more time to make more drastic changes in my life. Being better about saying "no" is a good start.

Third time's a charm

In my second semester of college, my roommate and I made a resolution to start the year off on the right foot, which we literally made a point of doing on our way to our first class that year. I vowed to be more organized and diligent about studying. After doing the bare minimum the semester before, I learned that I would not be able to make straight-A's if I didn't put more effort into my studies. I had made my first C and the rest were monstly B's.
The school where I went was located in a rural area of Vermont. Situated on a hilltop in a converted farmstead, it boasted a robust attendance of 270 students. Fewer lived on campus. I enjoyed staying in the dorms and getting to know other students who came from other parts of the US and the world. After growing up in a very rural area in the Midwest, 200-some students living in a few square miles was a change for me. I liked having people nearby who had similar interests and some who liked to procrastinate, too....
I preferred hanging out with my new friends more than reading pedantic books on enlightened despotism or memorizing the cases for German prepositions. Plus, I had never really had to study before because I was used to being able to figure out new things pretty quickly in high school. However, in college I wasn't used to the quantity of material and the speed at which it was covered in my classes.
When the second semster rolled around, I wanted to do much better. I needed to stop slacking. I HAD to get A's. The first two weeks went well.
Then the problems started. I had been ill with mononucleosis over that winter break, but felt almost 100% better by the time classes started. I had decided to take a full load and was determined to pass the clear writing requirement at the end of the sememster (this was in preparation for the plan of concentration students had to complete to graduate). Then I had a relapse.
The next six weeks I mostly laid in bed trying to rest and get better. I had to drop two classes. My grades turned out to be about the same as the semester before. Eventually I got my strength back.

2008 has started similarly for me. When I went back to work, I had ideas of being more organized while increasing my productivity. I felt good after resting for two weeks, but after three days back to work, I got a sudden intense pain in my neck and couldn't drive home. The next day I had chills and fever, and shortly after I came down with a cold. This was the third major (lasting 6+ days) cold I'd had in six months. After staying home from work a couple of half-days I went to the doctor. (I'm someone who needs "permission" to stay home for more than one day.) She thought it was just a cold but did some tests. I turns out that I have mono for the third time. Bleh...
I'm finally getting to the point where I feel better. The neck pain is almost gone, and I'm no longer stuffed up. I still am tired, though. I took off two full days from work in the past couple weeks, but I have been trying to work only 8-hour days.
The problem is that I'm really behind in my work and I don't know how I'm going to catch up. I'm probably going to have to work ~50 hours next week.
On the other hand, getting sick again has let me reevaluate some of my goals. I know I need to set better limits with my time and try to get more balanced. I need to make this my priority. And I need to sleep...

2007: A year in the review. And 2008, too.

I put off doing this end-of-the-year thing because, after thinking about it, 2007 was, shall I say, lame. There really wasn't much remarkable, especially if you measure it to 2006. That year was part of a year-long celebration to another decade of my existence. I did many things I hadn't had the courage to do. But 2007 was a different story. Let me see if I can dredge up anything of interest...

In January I went to Europe for the first time. Because I had a friend living in Germany, I wanted to see her and travel to the northern part, where my father's family is originally from. Even though it had been more than 10 years since I had studied German, I was amazed at how easily it came back, or rather, I made up words. I ended up having to use it quite a bit. Some words, like Senf, never left my mind, and I had always wondered why I remembered "mustard." Then LB needed it for her pretzels. "Haben Sie Senf?" It rolled off my tongue with ease! The only problems I had were on the trains with conductors barking commands at me. A confused "Was?" did nothing to help matters. I'll get back to this in a bit.

I also went to Poland to see the Auschwitz memorial. I still can't wrap my mind around all the destruction. The night after we went to the memorial, a cyclone blew in with a vengeance (perhaps a reflection of how I felt). The power went out for a good part of the night, and LB and I had to be up early to make it to our train back to Berlin. Our Servas host, Jacek, drove us to Katowice in his "Green Froggy," and during our ride he mentioned that Germany had been destroyed during the storm. In Poland, train service was disrupted, so we weren't sure when we would be heading back.

After a short delay, the train taking us to Germany arrived. It took forever, though, because it seemed that after every 15 minutes of travel, the engineer had to consult about how to handle Germany's destruction. When we heard German in Cottbus, we were ecstatic, mostly because there was no dining car on the train and we hadn't eaten or had much water in over 7 hours.

It took even longer to return because we were given tickets on a supernice overnight train. The only thing about it is that passengers can only board and disembark out of certain cars. When we got to Frankfurt, we were ready to get off the train when another barking conductor came up to us and started spewing German at us. We just looked at him blankly. It was 4 AM. I was not going to understand anything. We missed our stop, had to go to a town an hour away and then take another train back to where we had to go.

We ended up making it back to my friend's home more than 12 hours late. It was amazing how Germany had pulled itself from the depths and recovered from the destruction...

Then I returned and worked.

In March LB and I went to the Grand Canyon. It was my first time hiking in.

There's a completely different perspective once you hike into the canyon. It's a much less daunting landscape.

Since it took me forever to hike down, I was scared it would take forever to hike out. All the warnings said something to the effect that it would take at least double the time to hike out of the canyon, yadda yadda. Not so. Not when you have someone who's afraid of heights and unused to hiking down first. It took less time to hike out. I'd do it again, this time maybe all the way to the bottom.

Then I worked.

In June I went to New England for the wedding of my friends Jonathan and Rachel. It was good to reconnect with friends from Marlboro College. Flying was not fun, though. I got stuck on very hot tarmac for almost three hours, got luggage lost both ways and landed during lightening in Dallas only to have my flight out of there cancelled.

I made it back, eventually. And then I worked.

I got a promotion, so I worked some more.

I finished a certificate in nonprofit management.

I worked. I worked so much I got my name on a plaque.

But, the best part of my year happened last week. My sister is an exercise physiologist and gave me a volume of oxygen (VO2) test, which determines one's resting metabolic rate, how much fat is burned at rest and during exercise and target heart rates. All I can say is that my metabolism has not crashed. It must have been insane before I turned 28. I can eat an obscene amount of calories and sit on my ass all day and not gain any weight. I just can't fall asleep.

But this leads me to 2008. My goal is to get into better shape and lose an unmentionable number of pounds. Should be easy if I stop eating the obscene number of calories. I'm doing a half marathon in Feb. and a marathon in June. I might do another half in April. If it all goes well, I'd like to try a sprint triathlon toward the end of the year. I got my bike out yesterday and fixed it. I want to try to use it more for errands. Which leads me to my second goal.

I want to lessen my ecological impact on the earth. One way is to walk and bike more instead of using my car. I'm going to try to take the bus at least one day per week. I'm also taking a vow to not purchase anything new, with a few exceptions (food, health products, running shoes, candles/incense-I have cats and they're nast). This idea is based on the Compact, a group from San Francisco who made vows a couple of years ago to not buy anything new. I want to start composting (in a serious way) and grow more of my own food.

Last, I want to take classes in the Master's of Public Health program at UNM. I know, I'm a perpetual student. Some things never change.

Have a happy 2008!

I'm getting old.

I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true. I can't figure out how to make a title on a blog posting. I suppose I could do a search, read about it, and then implement the change. I don't operate that way, though. I've sailed through computer issues with only intuition for most of my life. (Except for when I was 14 and was afraid of the machine. I got over it.) Not that I'm an expert, but I know my way around software programs and pride myself on being able to trouble-shoot most problems in my office.

However....

There have been things that've come up recently that I haven't been able to solve on my own. Things that, under ordinary circumstances, wouldn't be a problem. Except that my brain isn't as flexible as it was, say, 3 years ago. It may be because of all the times I made fun of adults when I was young for not remembering things or being able to understand simple processes that an agile 5 year-old mind could. This is why I don't want children. I'll be paid back for everything I did when I was young.

For this, I am thankful.

I really did do the 5k this weekend, well Thursday, and all I can say is that I took off 12 minutes from the time I had two weeks ago. I'm not that strong of runner...
It did inspire me to start training again. I've had knee problems for the past six months, so I had a very looong taper for the Turkey Trot. I'm finally feeling better and want to be ready for a full marathon on June 1. I want to do 2 halves in preparation for the full.
I celebrated Txgiving 3 times over the weekend, four if you count the churrascaria on Sat. (no meat, though). Anyhoo...

Deutschland Dreaming

I'm trying recover from yet another nasty cold. It's the second in the past five months, the kind where I'm exhausted but can't sleep, my head feels as if it's in a fishbowl, and my mind gets restless. I start thinking of new and exciting plans for when I feel better....
Like doing the Turkey Trot this Thurs. It's not a big deal-5k-but since today I barely have enough strength to hang out my clothes on the line, it might not be a good idea. But still...
Then I create loftier plans. Like taking a trip. Abroad. In two months. Being sick and bored is a bad combination; I start surfing the net for random information. Expedia is one of my favorite sites to do this. Hmmm....where do I want to go today? I check for cheap fares to the usual places (I like to think big), São Paulo, Buenos Aires, Oaxaca, San Francisco, Bangkok, Mumbai, Lima, Tenerife, DF, Madrid, and then...Frankfurt. Cha-ching. REALLY, really cheap if I go in January.
My mind starts processing the details...My friend Youmei still lives in Hamburg and will be there a few more months. I would love to see her again and explore more of Northern Germany, including Fehmarn. I could wait to until Jan to take more time off...hmmm...not a bad idea...I need to work on my German, right?? I need to make use of my passport before it expires...I want to go back to the restaurant that served delicious vegetarian German food (that's not a joke!).
Now I have all this to ponder while I'm stuck in bed...
¡bienvenidos a mi mente enferma!



(Looks like Iowa, no?)

I started this blog at the beginning of 2006. The purpose was to discuss my experiences I had at a vipassana (insight) meditation retreat. Some people couldn't wrap their mind around 10 days of silence and 10 hours of meditation per day. Others were worried if I would be safe; I had gone by myself to California to do this. I can't really say that it was the most wonderful experience in my life-the bodily aches and pains and the struggle with my mind were not fun-but it caused me to really stop and be present for the first time in my life.

Fast-forward nearly two years. As you can see, the blog never really happened. Life got in the way. I finished up my degree, got a job, traveled to various parts of the world, started doing distance running, completed two half marathons, got a promotion, finished a certificate program, dropped a bad habit...

If I would have written this blog right after the retreat, I would have discussed the marinated tofu, the wind storm on new year's eve that knocked the power out for 16 hours, or the coyotes howling during the night, details that left an impression. However, the real story is not what happened during the 10 days of meditation, it's what happened after. I've been able to look fear in the face and not turn away. I used to be afraid of running because it made me feel miserable...now I can stay with the pain at mile 9 knowing that it won't be forever. I've learned it's easier to deal with difficult situations directly than pretending they're not there. The retreat forced me to look deeply into what I try to avoid and not be so attached to the negative feelings.

Me gustan puertas y casas...

Most common graffiti in Germany

Cosa chistosa...

I traveled for about a week at the end of the summer. My housemate was also out of town, so we had the neighbors take care of the animals, including my 4 chickens.

The chickens were a little odd when I got back. One became really broody and didn't leave the nest for nearly 3 weeks. The rest basically stopped laying. I blamed it on molting since I had been finding feathers in the backyard, but I wasn't sure. We looked through everywhere we thought they may have been laying, but nothing.

Something was fishy here. Maybe I just had really passive-aggressive birds that wanted to teach me a lesson about leaving. Perhaps they were a bit confused with the start of fall (they still had plenty of sunlight and warmth to lay, though). I resorted to threats..."If you don't produce eggs, you'll have to find your next meal..." It fell on deaf ears. Nothing changed.

Until one Saturday I was feeding the bunny, I noticed that the protected part of his hutch was overflowing with eggs. 30 of them. Problem solved. I couldn't stop laughing.

"This is the captain, from the flight deck..."

I haven't had a good year for flying. Since thinking that I'd never had major problems, I've been stuck in Denver for days, sat on the runway for hours in Chicago, scrambled for a flight out of Love Field when American cancelled everything at DFW, and waited many, many times for my "delayed baggage".

Recently, I discovered my new favorite airline, ExpressJet. The amount of food, XM radio, and friendly staff are great, but what really does it for me is the fact it flies directly to San Antonio, where my family lives.

Since all of my problems had happened when changing planes, I figured that flying direct would cut down on any issues. As I was returning from SAT last weekend, I found out that wasn't the case. When we were close to ABQ, the plane suddenly began to decelerate and turn toward the south. The pilot began speaking over the PA, "Folks, I've got some bad news." I start to look nervously at other passengers. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news..." I've had dreams off and on about planes crashing for the past 12 years. By now I'm thinking, this is it! "Some idiot driving a fuel truck at ABQ rolled and spilled part of its load. The airport just closed so we're going to have to divert to El Paso." El Paso, wonderful!!, especially after thinking we might be going down in a fiery ball over eastern NM.

The pilot told us, once we landed, the airport would likely be closed for at least 4-5 hours. I frantically phoned my mom, who's gotten used to these calls. "I'm stuck in XXX (location); can you please get online and look for a XXX (flight, rental car, train or bus ticket)?" I was tired and needed to get home.

The story turned out to have a happy ending. The pilots were helpful, the airport eventually reopened (I found out later that it was never really closed, just part of one terminal), and eventually the airport got the equipment to unload us off the plane when we made it to ABQ. I was only delayed 3 or 4 hours, not bad considering all the other problems I've had.

Still, I'm not really keen on flying. However, I need to go back to SAT next month for the winter holiday...when I think about driving through 8 hours of my least favorite state, I realized that flying might not be a bad option. Plus, there are some places in the world I want to visit that are only practical to reach by air. I just need to be open to where my journey takes me!