I finally took the time to learn how to have titles for my posts. It's the best thing that happened today.
I've been trying to recover from a super-long and stressful week. I am realizing that I need to set better limits with my time. Life is a bit out of control right now.
It's 44 days into my resolution of not buying anything (see stated exceptions). So far it hasn't been a problem; in a way, it's easier. After working way too many hours this weekend, I felt I needed a reward but was able to just observe my desire for something new and shiny. It passed.
I'm thinking I need to give up something that's more of a sacrifice, like eating out or driving whenever I want. Then it brings me back to setting limits. I need more time to make more drastic changes in my life. Being better about saying "no" is a good start.
2.02.2008
Third time's a charm
In my second semester of college, my roommate and I made a resolution to start the year off on the right foot, which we literally made a point of doing on our way to our first class that year. I vowed to be more organized and diligent about studying. After doing the bare minimum the semester before, I learned that I would not be able to make straight-A's if I didn't put more effort into my studies. I had made my first C and the rest were monstly B's.
The school where I went was located in a rural area of Vermont. Situated on a hilltop in a converted farmstead, it boasted a robust attendance of 270 students. Fewer lived on campus. I enjoyed staying in the dorms and getting to know other students who came from other parts of the US and the world. After growing up in a very rural area in the Midwest, 200-some students living in a few square miles was a change for me. I liked having people nearby who had similar interests and some who liked to procrastinate, too....
I preferred hanging out with my new friends more than reading pedantic books on enlightened despotism or memorizing the cases for German prepositions. Plus, I had never really had to study before because I was used to being able to figure out new things pretty quickly in high school. However, in college I wasn't used to the quantity of material and the speed at which it was covered in my classes.
When the second semster rolled around, I wanted to do much better. I needed to stop slacking. I HAD to get A's. The first two weeks went well.
Then the problems started. I had been ill with mononucleosis over that winter break, but felt almost 100% better by the time classes started. I had decided to take a full load and was determined to pass the clear writing requirement at the end of the sememster (this was in preparation for the plan of concentration students had to complete to graduate). Then I had a relapse.
The next six weeks I mostly laid in bed trying to rest and get better. I had to drop two classes. My grades turned out to be about the same as the semester before. Eventually I got my strength back.
2008 has started similarly for me. When I went back to work, I had ideas of being more organized while increasing my productivity. I felt good after resting for two weeks, but after three days back to work, I got a sudden intense pain in my neck and couldn't drive home. The next day I had chills and fever, and shortly after I came down with a cold. This was the third major (lasting 6+ days) cold I'd had in six months. After staying home from work a couple of half-days I went to the doctor. (I'm someone who needs "permission" to stay home for more than one day.) She thought it was just a cold but did some tests. I turns out that I have mono for the third time. Bleh...
I'm finally getting to the point where I feel better. The neck pain is almost gone, and I'm no longer stuffed up. I still am tired, though. I took off two full days from work in the past couple weeks, but I have been trying to work only 8-hour days.
The problem is that I'm really behind in my work and I don't know how I'm going to catch up. I'm probably going to have to work ~50 hours next week.
On the other hand, getting sick again has let me reevaluate some of my goals. I know I need to set better limits with my time and try to get more balanced. I need to make this my priority. And I need to sleep...
1.03.2008
2007: A year in the review. And 2008, too.
I put off doing this end-of-the-year thing because, after thinking about it, 2007 was, shall I say, lame. There really wasn't much remarkable, especially if you measure it to 2006. That year was part of a year-long celebration to another decade of my existence. I did many things I hadn't had the courage to do. But 2007 was a different story. Let me see if I can dredge up anything of interest...
In January I went to Europe for the first time. Because I had a friend living in Germany, I wanted to see her and travel to the northern part, where my father's family is originally from. Even though it had been more than 10 years since I had studied German, I was amazed at how easily it came back, or rather, I made up words. I ended up having to use it quite a bit. Some words, like Senf, never left my mind, and I had always wondered why I remembered "mustard." Then LB needed it for her pretzels. "Haben Sie Senf?" It rolled off my tongue with ease! The only problems I had were on the trains with conductors barking commands at me. A confused "Was?" did nothing to help matters. I'll get back to this in a bit.
I also went to Poland to see the Auschwitz memorial. I still can't wrap my mind around all the destruction. The night after we went to the memorial, a cyclone blew in with a vengeance (perhaps a reflection of how I felt). The power went out for a good part of the night, and LB and I had to be up early to make it to our train back to Berlin. Our Servas host, Jacek, drove us to Katowice in his "Green Froggy," and during our ride he mentioned that Germany had been destroyed during the storm. In Poland, train service was disrupted, so we weren't sure when we would be heading back.
After a short delay, the train taking us to Germany arrived. It took forever, though, because it seemed that after every 15 minutes of travel, the engineer had to consult about how to handle Germany's destruction. When we heard German in Cottbus, we were ecstatic, mostly because there was no dining car on the train and we hadn't eaten or had much water in over 7 hours.
It took even longer to return because we were given tickets on a supernice overnight train. The only thing about it is that passengers can only board and disembark out of certain cars. When we got to Frankfurt, we were ready to get off the train when another barking conductor came up to us and started spewing German at us. We just looked at him blankly. It was 4 AM. I was not going to understand anything. We missed our stop, had to go to a town an hour away and then take another train back to where we had to go.
We ended up making it back to my friend's home more than 12 hours late. It was amazing how Germany had pulled itself from the depths and recovered from the destruction...
Then I returned and worked.
In March LB and I went to the Grand Canyon. It was my first time hiking in.
There's a completely different perspective once you hike into the canyon. It's a much less daunting landscape.
Since it took me forever to hike down, I was scared it would take forever to hike out. All the warnings said something to the effect that it would take at least double the time to hike out of the canyon, yadda yadda. Not so. Not when you have someone who's afraid of heights and unused to hiking down first. It took less time to hike out. I'd do it again, this time maybe all the way to the bottom.
Then I worked.
In June I went to New England for the wedding of my friends Jonathan and Rachel. It was good to reconnect with friends from Marlboro College. Flying was not fun, though. I got stuck on very hot tarmac for almost three hours, got luggage lost both ways and landed during lightening in Dallas only to have my flight out of there cancelled.
I made it back, eventually. And then I worked.
I got a promotion, so I worked some more.
I finished a certificate in nonprofit management.
I worked. I worked so much I got my name on a plaque.
But, the best part of my year happened last week. My sister is an exercise physiologist and gave me a volume of oxygen (VO2) test, which determines one's resting metabolic rate, how much fat is burned at rest and during exercise and target heart rates. All I can say is that my metabolism has not crashed. It must have been insane before I turned 28. I can eat an obscene amount of calories and sit on my ass all day and not gain any weight. I just can't fall asleep.
But this leads me to 2008. My goal is to get into better shape and lose an unmentionable number of pounds. Should be easy if I stop eating the obscene number of calories. I'm doing a half marathon in Feb. and a marathon in June. I might do another half in April. If it all goes well, I'd like to try a sprint triathlon toward the end of the year. I got my bike out yesterday and fixed it. I want to try to use it more for errands. Which leads me to my second goal.
I want to lessen my ecological impact on the earth. One way is to walk and bike more instead of using my car. I'm going to try to take the bus at least one day per week. I'm also taking a vow to not purchase anything new, with a few exceptions (food, health products, running shoes, candles/incense-I have cats and they're nast). This idea is based on the Compact, a group from San Francisco who made vows a couple of years ago to not buy anything new. I want to start composting (in a serious way) and grow more of my own food.
Last, I want to take classes in the Master's of Public Health program at UNM. I know, I'm a perpetual student. Some things never change.
Have a happy 2008!
I put off doing this end-of-the-year thing because, after thinking about it, 2007 was, shall I say, lame. There really wasn't much remarkable, especially if you measure it to 2006. That year was part of a year-long celebration to another decade of my existence. I did many things I hadn't had the courage to do. But 2007 was a different story. Let me see if I can dredge up anything of interest...
In January I went to Europe for the first time. Because I had a friend living in Germany, I wanted to see her and travel to the northern part, where my father's family is originally from. Even though it had been more than 10 years since I had studied German, I was amazed at how easily it came back, or rather, I made up words. I ended up having to use it quite a bit. Some words, like Senf, never left my mind, and I had always wondered why I remembered "mustard." Then LB needed it for her pretzels. "Haben Sie Senf?" It rolled off my tongue with ease! The only problems I had were on the trains with conductors barking commands at me. A confused "Was?" did nothing to help matters. I'll get back to this in a bit.
I also went to Poland to see the Auschwitz memorial. I still can't wrap my mind around all the destruction. The night after we went to the memorial, a cyclone blew in with a vengeance (perhaps a reflection of how I felt). The power went out for a good part of the night, and LB and I had to be up early to make it to our train back to Berlin. Our Servas host, Jacek, drove us to Katowice in his "Green Froggy," and during our ride he mentioned that Germany had been destroyed during the storm. In Poland, train service was disrupted, so we weren't sure when we would be heading back.
After a short delay, the train taking us to Germany arrived. It took forever, though, because it seemed that after every 15 minutes of travel, the engineer had to consult about how to handle Germany's destruction. When we heard German in Cottbus, we were ecstatic, mostly because there was no dining car on the train and we hadn't eaten or had much water in over 7 hours.
It took even longer to return because we were given tickets on a supernice overnight train. The only thing about it is that passengers can only board and disembark out of certain cars. When we got to Frankfurt, we were ready to get off the train when another barking conductor came up to us and started spewing German at us. We just looked at him blankly. It was 4 AM. I was not going to understand anything. We missed our stop, had to go to a town an hour away and then take another train back to where we had to go.
We ended up making it back to my friend's home more than 12 hours late. It was amazing how Germany had pulled itself from the depths and recovered from the destruction...
Then I returned and worked.
In March LB and I went to the Grand Canyon. It was my first time hiking in.
There's a completely different perspective once you hike into the canyon. It's a much less daunting landscape.
Since it took me forever to hike down, I was scared it would take forever to hike out. All the warnings said something to the effect that it would take at least double the time to hike out of the canyon, yadda yadda. Not so. Not when you have someone who's afraid of heights and unused to hiking down first. It took less time to hike out. I'd do it again, this time maybe all the way to the bottom.
Then I worked.
In June I went to New England for the wedding of my friends Jonathan and Rachel. It was good to reconnect with friends from Marlboro College. Flying was not fun, though. I got stuck on very hot tarmac for almost three hours, got luggage lost both ways and landed during lightening in Dallas only to have my flight out of there cancelled.
I made it back, eventually. And then I worked.
I got a promotion, so I worked some more.
I finished a certificate in nonprofit management.
I worked. I worked so much I got my name on a plaque.
But, the best part of my year happened last week. My sister is an exercise physiologist and gave me a volume of oxygen (VO2) test, which determines one's resting metabolic rate, how much fat is burned at rest and during exercise and target heart rates. All I can say is that my metabolism has not crashed. It must have been insane before I turned 28. I can eat an obscene amount of calories and sit on my ass all day and not gain any weight. I just can't fall asleep.
But this leads me to 2008. My goal is to get into better shape and lose an unmentionable number of pounds. Should be easy if I stop eating the obscene number of calories. I'm doing a half marathon in Feb. and a marathon in June. I might do another half in April. If it all goes well, I'd like to try a sprint triathlon toward the end of the year. I got my bike out yesterday and fixed it. I want to try to use it more for errands. Which leads me to my second goal.
I want to lessen my ecological impact on the earth. One way is to walk and bike more instead of using my car. I'm going to try to take the bus at least one day per week. I'm also taking a vow to not purchase anything new, with a few exceptions (food, health products, running shoes, candles/incense-I have cats and they're nast). This idea is based on the Compact, a group from San Francisco who made vows a couple of years ago to not buy anything new. I want to start composting (in a serious way) and grow more of my own food.
Last, I want to take classes in the Master's of Public Health program at UNM. I know, I'm a perpetual student. Some things never change.
Have a happy 2008!
12.05.2007
I'm getting old.
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true. I can't figure out how to make a title on a blog posting. I suppose I could do a search, read about it, and then implement the change. I don't operate that way, though. I've sailed through computer issues with only intuition for most of my life. (Except for when I was 14 and was afraid of the machine. I got over it.) Not that I'm an expert, but I know my way around software programs and pride myself on being able to trouble-shoot most problems in my office.
I'm embarrassed to admit it, but it's true. I can't figure out how to make a title on a blog posting. I suppose I could do a search, read about it, and then implement the change. I don't operate that way, though. I've sailed through computer issues with only intuition for most of my life. (Except for when I was 14 and was afraid of the machine. I got over it.) Not that I'm an expert, but I know my way around software programs and pride myself on being able to trouble-shoot most problems in my office.
However....
There have been things that've come up recently that I haven't been able to solve on my own. Things that, under ordinary circumstances, wouldn't be a problem. Except that my brain isn't as flexible as it was, say, 3 years ago. It may be because of all the times I made fun of adults when I was young for not remembering things or being able to understand simple processes that an agile 5 year-old mind could. This is why I don't want children. I'll be paid back for everything I did when I was young.
11.25.2007
For this, I am thankful.
I really did do the 5k this weekend, well Thursday, and all I can say is that I took off 12 minutes from the time I had two weeks ago. I'm not that strong of runner...
It did inspire me to start training again. I've had knee problems for the past six months, so I had a very looong taper for the Turkey Trot. I'm finally feeling better and want to be ready for a full marathon on June 1. I want to do 2 halves in preparation for the full.
I celebrated Txgiving 3 times over the weekend, four if you count the churrascaria on Sat. (no meat, though). Anyhoo...
I really did do the 5k this weekend, well Thursday, and all I can say is that I took off 12 minutes from the time I had two weeks ago. I'm not that strong of runner...
It did inspire me to start training again. I've had knee problems for the past six months, so I had a very looong taper for the Turkey Trot. I'm finally feeling better and want to be ready for a full marathon on June 1. I want to do 2 halves in preparation for the full.
I celebrated Txgiving 3 times over the weekend, four if you count the churrascaria on Sat. (no meat, though). Anyhoo...
11.18.2007
Deutschland Dreaming
I'm trying recover from yet another nasty cold. It's the second in the past five months, the kind where I'm exhausted but can't sleep, my head feels as if it's in a fishbowl, and my mind gets restless. I start thinking of new and exciting plans for when I feel better....
Like doing the Turkey Trot this Thurs. It's not a big deal-5k-but since today I barely have enough strength to hang out my clothes on the line, it might not be a good idea. But still...
Then I create loftier plans. Like taking a trip. Abroad. In two months. Being sick and bored is a bad combination; I start surfing the net for random information. Expedia is one of my favorite sites to do this. Hmmm....where do I want to go today? I check for cheap fares to the usual places (I like to think big), São Paulo, Buenos Aires, Oaxaca, San Francisco, Bangkok, Mumbai, Lima, Tenerife, DF, Madrid, and then...Frankfurt. Cha-ching. REALLY, really cheap if I go in January.
My mind starts processing the details...My friend Youmei still lives in Hamburg and will be there a few more months. I would love to see her again and explore more of Northern Germany, including Fehmarn. I could wait to until Jan to take more time off...h
mmm...not a bad idea...I need to work on my German, right?? I need to make use of my passport before it expires...I want to go back to the restaurant that served delicious vegetarian German food (that's not a joke!).
Now I have all this to ponder while I'm stuck in bed...
¡bienvenidos a mi mente enferma!
(Looks like Iowa, no?)
I'm trying recover from yet another nasty cold. It's the second in the past five months, the kind where I'm exhausted but can't sleep, my head feels as if it's in a fishbowl, and my mind gets restless. I start thinking of new and exciting plans for when I feel better....
Like doing the Turkey Trot this Thurs. It's not a big deal-5k-but since today I barely have enough strength to hang out my clothes on the line, it might not be a good idea. But still...
Then I create loftier plans. Like taking a trip. Abroad. In two months. Being sick and bored is a bad combination; I start surfing the net for random information. Expedia is one of my favorite sites to do this. Hmmm....where do I want to go today? I check for cheap fares to the usual places (I like to think big), São Paulo, Buenos Aires, Oaxaca, San Francisco, Bangkok, Mumbai, Lima, Tenerife, DF, Madrid, and then...Frankfurt. Cha-ching. REALLY, really cheap if I go in January.
My mind starts processing the details...My friend Youmei still lives in Hamburg and will be there a few more months. I would love to see her again and explore more of Northern Germany, including Fehmarn. I could wait to until Jan to take more time off...h
mmm...not a bad idea...I need to work on my German, right?? I need to make use of my passport before it expires...I want to go back to the restaurant that served delicious vegetarian German food (that's not a joke!).Now I have all this to ponder while I'm stuck in bed...
¡bienvenidos a mi mente enferma!
(Looks like Iowa, no?)
11.17.2007
I started this blog at the beginning of 2006. The purpose was to discuss my experiences I had at a vipassana (insight) meditation retreat. Some people couldn't wrap their mind around 10 days of silence and 10 hours of meditation per day. Others were worried if I would be safe; I had gone by myself to California to do this. I can't really say that it was the most wonderful experience in my life-the bodily aches and pains and the struggle with my mind were not fun-but it caused me to really stop and be present for the first time in my life.
Fast-forward nearly two years. As you can see, the blog never really happened. Life got in the way. I finished up my degree, got a job, traveled to various parts of the world, started doing distance running, completed two half marathons, got a promotion, finished a certificate program, dropped a bad habit...
If I would have written this blog right after the retreat, I would have discussed the marinated tofu, the wind storm on new year's eve that knocked the power out for 16 hours, or the coyotes howling during the night, details that left an impression. However, the real story is not what happened during the 10 days of meditation, it's what happened after. I've been able to look fear in the face and not turn away. I used to be afraid of running because it made me feel miserable...now I can stay with the pain at mile 9 knowing that it won't be forever. I've learned it's easier to deal with difficult situations directly than pretending they're not there. The retreat forced me to look deeply into what I try to avoid and not be so attached to the negative feelings.
Fast-forward nearly two years. As you can see, the blog never really happened. Life got in the way. I finished up my degree, got a job, traveled to various parts of the world, started doing distance running, completed two half marathons, got a promotion, finished a certificate program, dropped a bad habit...
If I would have written this blog right after the retreat, I would have discussed the marinated tofu, the wind storm on new year's eve that knocked the power out for 16 hours, or the coyotes howling during the night, details that left an impression. However, the real story is not what happened during the 10 days of meditation, it's what happened after. I've been able to look fear in the face and not turn away. I used to be afraid of running because it made me feel miserable...now I can stay with the pain at mile 9 knowing that it won't be forever. I've learned it's easier to deal with difficult situations directly than pretending they're not there. The retreat forced me to look deeply into what I try to avoid and not be so attached to the negative feelings.
Cosa chistosa...I traveled for about a week at the end of the summer. My housemate was also out of town, so we had the neighbors take care of the animals, including my 4 chickens.
The chickens were a little odd when I got back. One became really broody and didn't leave the nest for nearly 3 weeks. The rest basically stopped laying. I blamed it on molting since I had been finding feathers in the backyard, but I wasn't sure. We looked through everywhere we thought they may have been laying, but nothing.
Something was fishy here. Maybe I just had really passive-aggressive birds that wanted to teach me a lesson about leaving. Perhaps they were a bit confused with the start of fall (they still had plenty of sunlight and warmth to lay, though). I resorted to threats..."If you don't produce eggs, you'll have to find your next meal..." It fell on deaf ears. Nothing changed.
Until one Saturday I was feeding the bunny, I noticed that the protected part of his hutch was overflowing with eggs. 30 of them. Problem solved. I couldn't stop laughing.
"This is the captain, from the flight deck..."
I haven't had a good year for flying. Since thinking that I'd never had major problems, I've been stuck in Denver for days, sat on the runway for hours in Chicago, scrambled for a flight out of Love Field when American cancelled everything at DFW, and waited many, many times for my "delayed baggage".
Recently, I discovered my new favorite airline, ExpressJet. The amount of food, XM radio, and friendly staff are great, but what really does it for me is the fact it flies directly to San Antonio, where my family lives.
Since all of my problems had happened when changing planes, I figured that flying direct would cut down on any issues. As I was returning from SAT last weekend, I found out that wasn't the case. When we were close to ABQ, the plane suddenly began to decelerate and turn toward the south. The pilot began speaking over the PA, "Folks, I've got some bad news." I start to look nervously at other passenger
s. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news..." I've had dreams off and on about planes crashing for the past 12 years. By now I'm thinking, this is it! "Some idiot driving a fuel truck at ABQ rolled and spilled part of its load. The airport just closed so we're going to have to divert to El Paso." El Paso, wonderful!!, especially after thinking we might be going down in a fiery ball over eastern NM.
I haven't had a good year for flying. Since thinking that I'd never had major problems, I've been stuck in Denver for days, sat on the runway for hours in Chicago, scrambled for a flight out of Love Field when American cancelled everything at DFW, and waited many, many times for my "delayed baggage".
Recently, I discovered my new favorite airline, ExpressJet. The amount of food, XM radio, and friendly staff are great, but what really does it for me is the fact it flies directly to San Antonio, where my family lives.
Since all of my problems had happened when changing planes, I figured that flying direct would cut down on any issues. As I was returning from SAT last weekend, I found out that wasn't the case. When we were close to ABQ, the plane suddenly began to decelerate and turn toward the south. The pilot began speaking over the PA, "Folks, I've got some bad news." I start to look nervously at other passenger
s. "I hate to be the bearer of bad news..." I've had dreams off and on about planes crashing for the past 12 years. By now I'm thinking, this is it! "Some idiot driving a fuel truck at ABQ rolled and spilled part of its load. The airport just closed so we're going to have to divert to El Paso." El Paso, wonderful!!, especially after thinking we might be going down in a fiery ball over eastern NM. The pilot told us, once we landed, the airport would likely be closed for at least 4-5 hours. I frantically phoned my mom, who's gotten used to these calls. "I'm stuck in XXX (location); can you please get online and look for a XXX (flight, rental car, train or bus ticket)?" I was tired and needed to get home.
The story turned out to have a happy ending. The pilots were helpful, the airport eventually reopened (I found out later that it was never really closed, just part of one terminal), and eventually the airport got the equipment to unload us off the plane when we made it to ABQ. I was only delayed 3 or 4 hours, not bad considering all the other problems I've had.
Still, I'm not really keen on flying. However, I need to go back to SAT next month for the winter holiday...when I think about driving through 8 hours of my least favorite state, I realized that flying might not be a bad option. Plus, there are some places in the world I want to visit that are only practical to reach by air. I just need to be open to where my journey takes me!
9.28.2007
DE PROFUNDIS
por Federico García Lorca
Los cien enamorados
duermen para siempre
bajo la tierra seca.
Andalucía tiene
largos caminos rojos.
Córdoba, olivos verdes
donde poner cien cruces,
que los recuerden.
Los cien enamorados
duermen para siempre.
From the depths...
The hundred lovers
sleep forever
beneath the dry earth.
Andalucía has
long, red roads.
Córdoba, green olive trees,
where one hundred crosses are placed,
that they be remembered.
The hundred lovers
sleep forever.
Pesto season....
I love this time of the year. The tomatoes are juicy, the eggplant ripe, and the basil...I don't mind eating pesto for every meal. There's something gratifying about it...my kind of comfort food.
That's my garden as a baby. Now the tomato plants are well over 6' high. Okay, they've actually fallen over and have covered the spicy basil, most of the eggplants, and the Taos sage. Notice the bunny in the background.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)