Fall

I love this time of year. It's simply my favorite, with the chill to the air. The waining greens yield to the warm browns and oranges. While part of me wants to withdraw and take refuge, a stronger part gets me moving in a way haven't since spring. I realized on my walk yesterday that I tend to hibernate during the summer (veranate?). Once the heat of August has passed, I come out of my cocoon and start to feel my body again.
My arms and legs felt creaky as I moved last night, creaky as my joints and muscles remember. Instead of a cantankerous response, they sent a message of gratitude. Involuntarily my legs started to run. They awakened to their purpose. The brisk air nourishes. I smile and give thanks for movement and change.

Update

Since I've had a request from one of my 2.57 readers to write, here's a new entry. The thoughts never formed themselves into a cohesive post, so we're all stuck with short bulleted blurbs.

• Last month I headed to Colorado for a retreat where Thich Nhat Hanh was to have attended. On the first night, his monastic community read a letter from him stating that he had been hospitalized and unable to travel. My heart sank both because of his physical condition and his absence. Although I had apprehensions about a retreat without him there, it turned out to be a very powerful experience. Things have stuck this time around, and I try to remember advice I received the last evening, "When you breathe, the sangha breathes with you. You, along with everyone here, helped to create this sangha. You don't leave this here."
• August was a time for connecting and reconnecting with others. We had two Servas visits and my friend Melody stayed for a few days. We headed to Vegas, too, to see my friend and to soak.
• I started a leadership program three weeks ago. I've gotten over the fear they made a mistake during the selection process. (When I was a senior in high school, I earned by pure luck the highest score in my school on a state exam in French. My teacher told me initially that I'd be moving to the next level, which was a competition that would involve writing an entire essay in French. Like several pages. I had only composed short paragraphs up to that point. I didn't even want to hear about the presentation that I'd have to make, also in French. I had spent the previous summer trying to find my way around a different, unfamiliar Romance language, and those cognates had been how I did so well on the exam. I didn't have enough fluency to write or speak. There had been a mistake. No way was I going to make a fool of myself. Well, either through a miracle or the manifestation of what I said over and over, my teacher eventually told me that there had been a mistake in the scoring and that I would not be in the state competition afterall.) So, I had the same feeling when I had heard that I'd been selected for this program. A scoring mistake. But I feel more comfortable now, and I think it will be the challenge I need to contiue to grow professionally and personally.
• My sister gave me a ticket to California for my birthday. Five more days. I need it.
• I've made a decision to train for the El Paso Marathon again. I need to.

I've painted my nails...

...because nothing says, hey, I've landed in my mid-thirties, like Rockstar Pink glitter on your fingertips.

à la mode

Throughout my life, I've gone through distinct periods related to fashion. They've ranged from thinking that it was the evil invention of sexist males trying to keep women down to a way to allow for creative expression and discovery. I've recently given up my apathy and begun having a healthy interest again in snagging cool second-hand finds.
As a child, I loved shopping for cheap, unique clothes, especially pieces that I could tell people I found on sale for a dollar, or whatever. Thankfully my style was, shall we say, one-of-a-kind in the rural area where I grew up. What attracted me was often hanging neglected on the clearance rack. It worked out for everyone.
The endearing trait of smugly telling others how little I paid for things was honed at a very young age and continues today. I've had a period of time recently where I haven't cared much about what I wear, probably having to do with the fact that there have been more important foci in my life. Not having much luck at thrift stores or garage sales the past few years, I pretty much gave that up and bought whatever was on sale at certain stores for simplicity.
In the last month, I've discovered the etsy website much to my bank account's dismay. There, one can find cool vintage clothes with a click. No having to sift through dusty piles to find little treasures. However, I did go by a yard sale today at the end of an arduous run. After doing some digging, I managed to find a few things that I wanted to get and had the seller hold them while I went home to get my wallet. By the time I finished the transaction, I had spent $19.
A run-down of my loot:
-a pair of pants
-skirt
-shirt
-2 pairs of shoes
-pair of boots
-blazer
-3 jackets (one leather)
-2 shrugs
-sweater
-plus a skirt and adorable jacket for my friend's daughter
So, yeah. I'm on a thrifter's high. Just be glad you don't live near me and have to hear the rehash over and over. But at least I look good doing so.

Metamorphosis

I had intentions of writing a "real" post with complete sentences and several paragraphs. For some reason, it didn't happen. There's not much of note to write, and that's not really a bad thing.
I'll just say that the next couple of months promise to be full of change on many fronts. Some of this is self-inflicted, and the rest is out of my hands. Thankfully equanimity has been my constant companion.
(Meanwhile I'm enjoying the rockin' tunes on Pandora's Yerba Buena station.)

Qué será, será. Y ya.

Reminders

Tonight, my sister and her partner J are in town on their way to Cali. J has never been to Burque. After hearing about my daily and weekly activities, she said, "You must have a good life here." I hesitated and discovered the only answer was, "Yes, I do." That injection of objectivity reminded me that I have much to be grateful for.

And the rains this week are proof that nothing lasts forever.

one more thing

in a previous post, i lamented the fact the lilacs completely escaped me this year. well, for some reason, i have gotten to see all the flowers i missed this year while visiting other places. lilacs were in full bloom when i traveled to ohio. and, today, in my delirium at the top of the mountain, i found lilies! ¡qué suerte!

Gratitude list, take 2

Time, life has slipped away. So, here I go again:
1. Air at 10,000 ft.

2. My legs

3. My father

4. Pesto season!

5. Fresh eggs

sandias

Hiked the Tramway and La Luz trails today. I think the altitude got to me for the first time. After reaching 9000 ft., I started to get grouchy and a little flaky. I was afraid of tripping at the top and sliding down...for good reasons.
Only one snake sighting.
No dead rodents.
I can't rest...when my eyes are closed, all I see are switchbacks.
My brain must be fried.

Waiting

For once I made it to the airport with plenty of time to relax. There's an application for a leadership program that I need to finish today, and I thought sitting in the airport would be the perfect time to do it. I have to stay put here in this seat for another hour since SWA won't let me check-in my bag until four hours before my flight.
The trip out west was wonderful. I got to do everything I wanted to: eat Ethiopian, see the ocean, drink wine, and explore. It was all good.
I think I'm going to open a flickr account so I can upload the photos. It was fun taking pictures of all the scenery and architecture here.

No halbo nada...

Even among the locura (which is now considered to be my "normal" life), I've noticed a new quirk. After reviewing emails, I've noticed several participles missing the -ed suffix and just odd sentence structure. I'm glad I took the time to proofread.
The other morning, I was having an internal issues convention about a meeting I didn't want to attend. Suddenly, my thoughts we're interrupted: "I'll just tell him I won't be disponsible. I'm busy," I told myself. It made perfect sense.
So let's just say I'm muy lista para mi tripecito. Me voy mañana.

(Y soy tan esmart que invento mi propio idiotoma...)

Overload

So I missed the lilacs this year, all except for a few blooms that I noticed during walking meditation.
An important deadline came and went, and I completely forgot.
My gratitude list is short today. I'm thankful I get a day off tomorrow and a trip this weekend. I need to recharge.
I often wish my brain were more like a cpu. I need a defrag bad.

Grace, 14/365

1. Getting something done at City Hall. It had stressed me for a few days, but now it's done. Now to not worry about food poisioning...
2. Things are coming together for the special event. There seems to be some plan coming to fruition.
3. Cafe con leche
4. A trip to the 415!!! Ca-ching for a cheap, cheap fare to Oakland. Ocean...hot springs...ethiopian food...I need this trip badly, and I'm thankful I can do it.
5. Watching plants grow.

insomnia

It's been going on for almost eight days now.

When my exhausted head hits the pillow, my eyes are wide awake.

Sleep evades. Life continues.

Grace, 13/365

Today was a lovely day. La lista:
1. Spring weather. My favorite kind.

2. Smoked gouda soup

3. Cycle chic

4. Relaxation

5. Jokes from my sister.

Grace 12/365

Okay, so I'm behind a few days. Even with all the abundance in my life, I haven't felt much gratitude lately. Thankfully, a shift occurred today, and the shroud of negativity lifted. To make up for the missed posts, here's an expanded version of the list:
1. Friends. Today was being with three people who are special in their own way. Each has been in my life for varying periods of time, but they all have added a richness that I'm grateful for. Passing time with them, I feel at home.
2. Impermanence. And yet I was reminded while being with these friends of the impermanence of others and of life. I only have this moment.
3. Quincy Jones's Back on the Block album. I was given the March Shambhala Sun in which Alice Walker wrote an article called "Anxiety Soup," which contains three ingredients to ward of the instability of daily life. The first of which is dance. Walker suggests putting on a CD that gets us to move; one of her favorites is Jones's. It got me to dig my out old cassette copy. I'd forgotten about this gem of pure genius. ♥, say my ears and soul.
4. Reminders of attachment. It's not something I particularly like, but it's like a wise old friend urging gently of how much more I need to practice.
5. Lastly, boots. I try to stay away from things related to consumerism here, but I found a sweet pair on sale today. I'd been craving a pair for two years, so I bought them. Ah, I have a long way to go on #4 above!!

Grace, 11/365

1. Getting things done

2. Salad

3. Conversation

4. Cool evenings

5. Meditation

Grace, 10/365

1. Rest

2. Celebration

3. Music

4. Dusk

5. Movement

Sound advice

I received The Lifelong Activist: How to Change the World Without Losing Your Way as a gift late last year. Basically a self-help book for those involved with social change, I was particularly impressed with the section on time management. The author Hillary Rettig has developed documents to assist with tracking one's time and to provide guidance in living a life congruent with one's values.
What really caught my attention, though, was the fact that it's important, well imperative, that there be enough light to complete whatever task is at hand. Literally. There have been several times in the past few weeks when I've tried to find something but am too lazy to get up to turn on the light. It's frustrating....until I shed some light on the subject. Often, it's not that I'm lazy; I just want to conserve, so I don't use any light. But now that I'm paying more attention to my efficiency, I see that even though I may save in some areas, it's not really a benefit.
For most of my life, I have tried to make due in most areas in my life by using as few resources as possible. I've prided myself in being able to accomplish tasks creatively and stretching what I have as far as it will go.
But I've reached a point where it's no longer always most efficient for me to use as little as possible because I've stopped measuring efficiency by how little used or how much money saved. My time, along with my creativity and skills, are also valuable. I need to have the tools to do my job, whatever it is, as well as possible.
So that might mean advocating for what I need. I may have to be more honest with others about what I really can do or provide. And, definitely, I will be making sure there’s enough light.

Grace, 9/365

1. Mondays

2. Sunshine

3. Chickens and their fresh eggs

4. Servas & travelers

5. Clotheslines (and my father for having put it in)