It's been one of those weeks...

...where everything that could go wrong has. I don't know what it was. Communication was all over the place. Being questioned about things that were irrelevant. I wondered why everyone is staring at me only to come to find I've had spinach in my teeth. It wasn't there after I ate, I promise! I even checked. All I can do is laugh. at myself. incessantly.

Today was a breakthrough. I worked most of the day. I came to a little truce with myself that I needed to push myself in order to have things done. So I can relax on my trip. Which is only 5 days away. I don't know why I'm fragment-crazy. It's just. the way. my mind works. these days.

LB got a new computer. Yea! Now I'll be able to waste time again!

I did go on a run around the 'hood. Ready as I'm going to be.

And this is where I'm staying in California:

Check out http://www.harbin.org/. I'm so there.

Impermanence

The computer at my home completely crashed last weekend. Since then I've had limited computer access-I probably will for the next few weeks or months, except for when I'll be in Califas for almost two weeks.

My trip's slowly coming together. Everyone asks me, "Do you know anyone out there? Do you have family?" No. I'm planning to take part of my trip alone. I need the time to decompress and regroup. It's been a pretty hard six months because I haven't had time to let go of everything. Or maybe I just haven't felt that I could do it here with all the responsibilities I have.

My sister and her friend will be joining me toward the end. We're all running the SFO First Half Marathon, my first race with a time limit. Under normal circumstances the cutoff wouldn't be a problem, but my life and my health have been anything but normal lately. I know I can do it; however, if I can't make it by the time required, I go on my own or I take a taxi back to where I need to be. It really is that simple.

One observation I've made about my life recently is that so many of the things I do bring me back to my breath. Playing the flute, running, meditating. It's not about what might happen or what I'm not doing. They all remind me of what's essential. I'm grateful for this moment.

Amor

I'm ashamed to admit it: I'm in love with these shoes. They're part of what started the spending frenzy in Chicago. But if I would've known they're just as comfy as cute, I would have gotten four pairs instead of two. (the brown ones are in my closet, too!) I love me some Skechers.

Battles won

For many years, there has never been an alpha animal in my home. The cats will fight, but it's more about not loosing than actually winning. We joke that it's the "battle for the middle," but that's changing. Beto has no fear of the big guys and will even start eating the other cat's food. Pretty brave stuff for a 2 lb. cat. I think once he gets big enough, he'll be on top.

In other news, finally I'm organized! I spent a few hours yesterday and today getting things in order, so I can now work on other projects. My workload expectation is decreasing, so I'm hoping that will make a difference in my daily activities.

And I got my provisional license this week. All that's left for me is to take the exam. I'm tempted to sign up to take it in three weeks, just to get it out of the way. I'll postpone studying until the week before the exam no matter when I schedule it; why delay? Then I'll have it out of the way when I go on vacation.

My biggest battle the past few weeks has been getting over a "cold" (they get even more exciting when your immune system's already trying to recover from something else) and the stomach flu. I was out of work for about a week, but now I'm back with a vengeance.

Only five more weeks until the SF half-marathon. I'm not going down without a fight.

Lazy Sunday List

• Because my sister ran six miles yesterday, I thought I had to do the same. So I did-in the bosque moonlight. Since I didn't want the coyotes to find me, I felt I was running faster, but my time was the slowest it's been. It wasn't until I got home that I saw I only had to run 5 miles. Thanks, Meg!
• I'm excited about traveling. I wish I could take the rest of the summer off. Seriously.
• Things are getting a little bit out of control with the animals. Because two of the chickens are not laying now, I'd like to get two more. Figuring out where to keep chicks and how to introduce them to the backyard becomes a challenge when factoring in all the other animals that live here.
• I have a hankerin' to go to Utah, which tops the top of my list for the most beautiful states. It's a place where I feel more centered.

• While talking about things I'd like to do, hiking La Luz is on the top of my list. My vague physical ailments have kept me from doing this over the past two years, but I'm ready to get off my ass and do this.
• What's the deal with the freakin' layout?
• I know of an organization that asks its employees to refrain from using language related to violence. I wonder what they call bullet points.
• Hmmm...thinking about all the hiking makes me tired. Maybe I should vegetate all summer. I don't do well in the heat normally, anyway.

Summertime

It's hot here; it's the time of the year when I hide inside during the middle part of the day because the sun is just too hot. To keep me company on these sultry days, I have a new companion, Beto. Here he is:

He's a good boy, already using the scratching post, umm...or the arm of the couch.

I adopted him from my flute teacher, so I've gotten to see him grow each time I went for my lesson. After he was born, my teacher asked if I wanted to see her new kittens that she needed to give away. I had made up my mind to not get too attached to them, but I'd wanted to get a solid gray kitten for a long while now. Since I couldn't say no, Beto is the newest addition to the straggly menagerie inhabiting my home. He's sleeping on my shoulder as I type.

In other news, I've started planning my trips for the summer. My agenda: northern California, San Antonio, and Ohio. Total of all the air travel: less than $250. It'll probably be the last time I will be able to say that. I'll be able to have some time alone and be able to catch up with family and friends during my travels.

I'll leave you with this poem about ABQ:

I live in a small town called Burque

That was known as being a bit quirky.

Then they adopted the "Q"

Its significance, I haven't a clue.

meaning is rather quite murky.

(random rant: I wish I knew html so I could control the layout of these posts)

Poetry Pah-tee

Señor Creepy

There once was a cat named Stozz,
Who materialized like Dorthy in Oz.
He decided to stay,
and I regretted the day
He fondled me with his own paws.

___________________________

There once was a girl from Westside
Who took all her training in stride.
She never was fast,
For she often was last,
But that never injured her pride.

________________________

El tiempo loco

Since I was getting a little stir crazy, I decided to take a mini-vacation over the long weekend. When I left town on Friday, it was 52 degrees in Burque, 40 cooler than earlier in the week. As I went over the Glorieta Pass to northern NM and the temperature dipped into the 30s, I thought, the roads might freeze tonight! It had rained earlier in the day, and the interstate was still wet. It's been a crazy spring.



On Saturday, instead of doing my "long" run, I decided to take advantage of the beautiful weather and scenery. So I climbed this:



I'm not sure how I made it to the top, other than putting one foot in front of the other. It kicked my ass more than any five-mile run could.

This week hasn't been too hectic. I took the big step today of filling out the paperwork for my independent license. It should all be in the mail by next week. Now I need to start studying for the exam...

I always find something to fill up my free time!

Balance

The past two weeks I've begun running regularly. My strength's come back, and I feel good. I didn't realize how much I've needed to get back into this, not only for the phyiscal benefits, but also for the mental and emotional effects. The past twelve months have been such a struggle for me. I didn't feel centered; most of the time I was stressed. I hadn't been able to run for most of that time. It wasn't until this weekend that I determined that a good part of my high stress level had to do with not running.
It helps me to relax. I'm able to let go of whatever else is going on with my life.
Although now 4 miles is the new 10 miler and I'm pretty tired by the time I finish, I'm feeling better than I have in the last year. Another benefit of running is that it gives me structure in my schedule. If I have to do a run in the evening, then I know I can't work to late.
Running gets me outside. I hate running on treadmills, so I spend more time in nature. Yesterday, I had the joy of seeing a pheasant in the bosque at the end of my run.
It feels good to be centered again.

Bliss

Rain came-twice-in the last 24 hours. I didn't have to get up early to water the garden. Today was deliciously cool. Living in the desert makes me long for cloudy, dreary days like this.

Work's slowed down. I found out I'll be going to San Francisco for a conference later this summer. This will on my agenda, too.

Tonight, on one of my training runs, I thought I made a mistake when I ran an 11 minute mile. Granted, it was just one, but my car's odometer confirmed the distance.

My friend and I have found a wonderful Cuban restaurant, where we had lunch. And I had two cafes con leche. Heaven...

Since I have a tendency to become negative when things bring me down, I often need to remind myself of what's good in life. Here's a small list to start, with no particular rhyme, reason, or parallel structure:
1. Free community garden plot that will give me enough space for the onions and extra tomatoes
2. Chickens
3. Good dental insurance coverage
4. Being told by the dentist I "have nice teeth"
5. Air
6. Family and friends who listen when I need to vent
7. Sun
8. Clotheslines
9. Body that moves
10. Bike
11. Only having to work one job
12. Spring!

Small Wonders

It's the little things that make me happy.

For instance, I had been saving some earplugs I had gotten on an overnight flight about two years ago. Just two weeks ago, I figured out that I needed to wear them now. The cats cross my bedroom at night to get to "their" room. Often, they are loud and obnoxious, but with the earplugs, I don't hear anything now. My insomnia is almost gone. I don't know why I waited so long.

Lemon grass is another pleasure. I found some yesterday when I went to the nursery, so I got four containers. Growing most of the herbs I use for cooking makes me happy.

Midnight revelations-although I am sleeping better now, I still wake up in the middle of the night with my brain going at full speed. I remembered last night that my neighborhood association has some free plots at a community garden. I can use that for the extra tomatoes, basil, and onions.

Unscheduled time lets me explore. Nothing more wonderful than getting up in the morning and doing whatever catches my fancy. I'm going to work on the garden while it's still cool. I also have a hanckerin' for some hot springs...I'll see.

Morning Poem

By Mary Oliver

Every morning
the world
is created.
Under the orange

sticks of the sun
the heaped
ashes of the night
turn into leaves again

and fasten themselves to the high branches-
and the ponds appear
like black cloth
on which are painted islands

of summer lilies.
If it is your nature
to be happy
you will swim away along the soft trails

for hours, your imagination
alighting everywhere.
And if your spirit
carries within it

the thorn
that is heavier than lead-
if it's all you can do
to keep on trudging-

there is still
somewhere deep within you
a beast shouting that the earth
is exactly what it wanted-

each pond with its blazing lilies
is a prayer heard and answered
lavishly,
every morning,

whether or not
you have ever dared to be happy,
whether or not
you have ever dared to pray.

Happy National Poetry Month!

Gettin' things done

I spent most of the day doing errands or things on my to-do list, like getting plants for my backyard. It's basically a salsa and pesto garden, but I decided to go with some new things: Armenian cucumbers, yellow squash, tomatillos, and watermelon. I don't know what I was thinking about the last one. Actually, I might have been asleep during the whole trip. I ended up with more tomato and basil plants than I'll have room for. I realize that I'm probably going to have to lock the chickens in their coop because they have taken over the yard. Pobrecitas!

Before I started my gardening project, I decided to get off my ass and cook. I was lamenting the fact that I can't get vegetarian mole enchiladas when I came to the conclusion that if I want good food, I need to make it myself. So I did. It was delicious. Here's a photo that doesn't really do the dish justice...

(Perhaps my next goal should be to take a photography class. I never thought the day would come when I would be a better cook than photographer.)

Tomorrow, I will continue with the gardening, and if there's time, go for a short (2-3 mi.) run. To make my break from work feel more like a vacation, I'm going to try to blog daily about my, ahem, adventures.

Spring Fee-va

It's my cat's 10th birthday today!

He celebrated by eating some delicious dairy products.

I'm recovering from a long month; I'm pretty much over the hump except for a grant that's due soon. To recuperate, I'm taking almost a week off from work, and I'm planning to do the things I haven't had time or energy to do...like cleaning the floors, the chicken coop, the closets...maybe...

The highlight of the past few weeks would definitely have to be the trip to Chicago for a training. I had never really been there except to change trains or sit in a plane on hot tarmac for hours. I'd always imagined the city was like other standard Midwestern ones: bland and boring but on a larger scale. Chicago proved me wrong. My traveling companion and I had so much fun, we could have stayed longer. If we hadn't flown out on the Monday before American Airlines grounded its fleet of MD-80s, we would have. But that's another story.

Ah, the food. I tied mole for the first time. Here in Burque, a standard ingredient for mole is chicken. In Chicago, you can order cheese enchiladas with mole as the sauce. Devine. I also got to eat Ethiopian food-twice! And tapas...my stomach was happy.

Since I love all things related to mass transport, I was elated to ride on the metro and bus system. Some people consider having a car is freedom, but for me, I find it liberating to know how to get around without a car. I came back to Burque with a public transportation high (that's now starting to fade).

I have to confess, I did break my vow of not buying anything. The temptation was so strong, it wasn't just a slip. It was a complete disaster. Books, shoes, dresses, necklaces, scarves...I guess I'm rationalizing it this way: when I'm on vacation, I can take a vacation from the vow. It's not right, I know. I made it three months with the only slip of buying a to-go cup, which I purchased to decrease my use of disposable items. But I'm back on my vow now.

To make up for the relapse, I have made another decision to take the bus twice a week. It's quite a commitment to do this. The system here is not that efficient. And it drives me crazy sometimes. That's all I'll say.

Another part of my decision to use more public transportation is to get more exercise. One of the benefits of living in a city with an inefficient system is that I get to walk more when I take the bus.

I am finally starting to get my strength back. I've gone hiking three times in the last week (the kind that is vertical and kicks your ass). And I've made a resolution: I will run a marathon by the end of the year. My body will be healthy enough.

I found a book, The Non-Runner's Marathon Trainer,that I think will be helpful. The book is geared toward those first-time marathoners, and it's for people whose goal is to finish. The running plan is something that I can fit into my schedule, and it focuses not only on the physical aspects of training, but also on the psychological.

I'm looking forward to having a week off. I feel as if I've been on automatic since the beginning of the year. I hope to relax and do nothing for at least part of the time.

Recommended Reading

The Art of Power by Thich Nhat Hanh
The Way We Eat: Why Our Food Choices Matter by Peter Singer and Jim Mason
Food for thought...

Así es la vida

I think I've hit a wall.

In the early afternoon I started getting so tired that I went home early. I had plans this morning of doing the dishes when I got home. They're still in the sink. (I did do two loads of laundry and hung them out...) I had grand plans of doing a powerpoint presentation for I training I'll be doing in about two weeks. Pero, nada. Estoy aquí en mi cama, descansándome. I thought I could stave it off until next month, when I'm planning to take a week off.

El único problemita es que tengo mucho para hacer en las próximas tres semanas. Hay una junta importante, una solicitud de una beca que tengo que cumplir, y un entrenamiento en Chicago en la semana que entra…¡No tengo tiempo para estar enferma!

Aaayy...así es la life, ¿no?

Remedios

The past two weeks have been busy with visitors and work on the house. First, we had Joe and Ruth, Servas travelers from Canada, stay with us for two days, and then my dad came from Tejass to get his New Mexico fix.

My dad spent most of the time making improvements on the house. The big project was working on the back room, which used to be dungeon-like with its dark walls and carpet. It was retiled in a lighter color this past summer, and this past weekend, we worked on painting the walls a lighter color, and he added track lighting and a bamboo curtain to cover the window. Here are some pictures of the final product...

Today my friend Kesi, her new dog, and I went hiking. It's our sort-of Easter tradition. I think we made it about a mile up some incline before I couldn't go any further. I've realized that I'm still trying to get over the exhaustion.

I've found some things that have helped. I noticed that I have more energy when I take a B-vitamin complex sublingually. (I just learned from a book I read that some vegetarians don't get enough of this vitamin....all the fuss is usually on protein.) I've been getting some reflexology done, which also makes me feel better. Another thing I've wanted to do is ear candling...I think I might have had an ear infection on top of everything else. It helped, too. And I'd recommend it. Most importanly, I find catching up with sleep on the weekend keeps me happy during the week.

insomnio..

Yo lo que quiero es un avioncito
Un avioncito que me vuele
Que me vuele lejos
Que me vuele que me vuele
-yerba buena

International Women's Day

This IWD coincides with my 20 year anniversary of considering myself a feminist. I guess I was one before then, but I didn't know of the term. I just knew that things weren't right. I had hopes of things changing in the future, but I don't think that's happened, at least to the extent I had wanted it to.

My middle school-self wanted equality in pay for women, access to reproductive health care services, and a future that included more than settling down with someone and getting married.

As I got older, I began to understand more deeply how the issues of social justice also tie into feminism. Accessing clean water, living in a safe home, having a reliable source of food, and being able to live without fear of violence are concerns that affect all women to differing degrees.

There hasn't been equality. Femicides continue to occur. The gender pay gap has not narrowed, and, in fact, has begun to widen in the past 10 years. Women are living and raising children in a world that's becoming increasingly more toxic.

There's a lot more work to be done.