I had meant to write this post weeks ago, but then the Internet stopped working and life got a little bit crazy...so, yeah. Everything has aligned, and service has been restored. Now to the story...
I think I mentioned before that my intent for a spiritual retreat was to visit the red canyons of Utah. When I got there, however, I couldn't make myself go. I recoiled at the thought of standing on the edge of vast space. (Interestingly, I ended up flying over it several times the past couple of months.)
Canyonlands was a park that had shaken everything loose when I visited four years ago. I had no idea of the magnificent landscapes that would mirror my insignificance in the grand scheme of things.
The reluctance this time around still makes me wonder: What am I afraid of? Is it fear, or is it truly wanting to retreat?
Someone who has read my astrological chart told me that I will be entering a new period of my life in the next year. So I'm in the process of shedding or morphing or whatever the right word is. I'm raw and feel exposed.
The last five years have been challenge to myself-to feel uncomfortable, to do what I had only dreamed of doing. I think on many fronts, I succeeded. But I'm tired of pushing.
I feel the latent feral-ness wanting to rear its head. I don't know what all this means, but it does feel as if I want to pull in and hibernate to protect myself in this vulnerable state.
